NOVEL V.
— Calandrino being enamoured of a damsel, Bruno gives him a scroll, averring that, if he but touch her therewith, she will go with him: he is found with her by his wife who subjects him to a most severe and vexatious examination. —
So, at no great length, ended Neifile her story, which the company allowed to pass with none too much laughter or remark: whereupon the queen, turning to Fiammetta, bade her follow suit. Fiammetta, with mien most gladsome, made answer that she willingly obeyed, and thus began:—As I doubt not, ye know, ladies most debonair, be the topic of discourse never so well worn, it will still continue to please, if the speaker knows how to make due choice of time and occasion meet.
Wherefore, considering the reason for which we are here (how that ’tis to make merry and speed the time gaily, and that merely), I deem that there is nought that may afford us mirth and solace but here may find time and occasion meet, and, after serving a thousand turns of discourse, should still prove not unpleasing for another thousand. Wherefore, notwithstanding that of Calandrino and his doings not a little has from time to time been said among us, yet, considering that, as a while ago Filostrato observed, there is nought that concerns him that is not entertaining, I will make bold to add to the preceding stories another, which I might well, had I been minded to deviate from the truth, have disguised, and so recounted it to you, under other names; but as whoso in telling a story diverges from the truth does thereby in no small measure diminish the delight of his hearers, I purpose for the reason aforesaid to give you the narrative in proper form.
Niccolo Cornacchini, one of our citizens, and a man of wealth, had among other estates a fine one at Camerata, on which he had a grand house built, and engaged Bruno and Buffalmacco to paint it throughout; in which task, for that ’twas by no means light, they associated with them Nello and Calandrino, and so set to work. There were a few rooms in the house provided with beds and other furniture, and an old female servant lived there as caretaker, but otherwise the house was unoccupied, for which cause Niccolo’s son, Filippo, being a young man and a bachelor, was wont sometimes to bring thither a woman for his pleasure, and after keeping her there for a few days to escort her thence again.
Now on one of these occasions it befell that he brought thither one Niccolosa, whom a vile fellow, named Mangione, kept in a house at Camaldoli as a common prostitute. And a fine piece of flesh she was, and wore fine clothes, and for one of her sort, knew how to comport herself becomingly and talk agreeably.
Now one day at high noon forth tripped the damsel from her chamber in a white gown, her locks braided about her head, to wash her hands and face at a well that was in the courtyard of the house, and, while she was so engaged, it befell that Calandrino came there for water, and greeted her familiarly. Having returned his salutation, she, rather because Calandrino struck her as something out of the common, than for any other interest she felt in him, regarded him attentively.
Calandrino did the like by her, and being smitten by her beauty, found reasons enough why he should not go back to his comrades with the water; but, as he knew not who she was, he made not bold to address her. She, upon whom his gaze was not lost, being minded to amuse herself at his expense, let her glance from time to time rest upon him, while she heaved a slight sigh or two. Whereby Calandrino was forthwith captivated, and tarried in the courtyard, until Filippo called her back into the chamber. Returned to his work, Calandrino sighed like a furnace: which Bruno, who was ever regardful of his doings for the diversion they afforded him, failed not to mark, and by and by:—»What the Devil is amiss with thee, comrade Calandrino?» quoth he.
«Thou dost nought but puff and blow.» «Comrade,» replied Calandrino, «I should be in luck, had I but one to help me.» «How so?» quoth Bruno. «Why,» returned Calandrino, «’tis not to go farther, but there is a damsel below, fairer than a lamia, and so mightily in love with me that ‘twould astonish thee. I observed it but now, when I went to fetch the water.» «Nay, but, Calandrino, make sure she be not Filippo’s wife,» quoth Bruno. «I doubt ’tis even so,» replied Calandrino, «for he called her and she joined him in the chamber; but what signifies it?
I would circumvent Christ Himself in such case, not to say Filippo. Of a truth, comrade, I tell thee she pleases me I could not say how.» «Comrade,» returned Bruno, «I will find out for thee who she is, and if she be Filippo’s wife, two words from me will make it all straight for thee, for she is much my friend. But how shall we prevent Buffalmacco knowing it? I can never have a word with her but he is with me.» «As to Buffalmacco,» replied Calandrino: «I care not if he do know it; but let us make sure that it come not to Nello’s ears, for he is of kin to Monna Tessa, and would spoil it all.» Whereto:—»Thou art in the right,» returned Bruno.
Now Bruno knew what the damsel was, for he had seen her arrive, and moreover Filippo had told him. So, Calandrino having given over working for a while, and betaken him to her, Bruno acquainted Nello and Buffalmacco with the whole story; and thereupon they privily concerted how to entreat him in regard of this love affair. Wherefore, upon his return, quoth Bruno softly:—»Didst see her?» «Ay, woe’s me!» replied Calandrino: «she has stricken me to the death.»
Quoth Bruno:—»I will go see if she be the lady I take her to be, and if I find that ’tis so, leave the rest to me.» Whereupon down went Bruno, and found Filippo and the damsel, and fully apprised them what sort of fellow Calandrino was, and what he had told them, and concerted with them what each should do and say, that they might have a merry time together over Calandrino’s love affair. He then rejoined Calandrino, saying:—»‘Tis the very same; and therefore the affair needs very delicate handling, for, if Filippo were but ware thereof, not all Arno’s waters would suffice to cleanse us.
However, what should I say to her from thee, if by chance I should get speech of her?» «I’faith,» replied Calandrino, «why, first, first of all, thou wilt tell her that I wish her a thousand bushels of the good seed of generation, and then that I am her servant, and if she is fain of—aught—thou tak’st me?» «Ay,» quoth Bruno, «leave it to me.»
Supper-time came; and, the day’s work done, they went down into the courtyard, Filippo and Niccolosa being there, and there they tarried a while to advance Calandrino’s suit. Calandrino’s gaze was soon riveted on Niccolosa, and such and so strange and startling were the gestures that he made that they would have given sight to the blind. She on her part used all her arts to inflame his passion, primed as she had been by Bruno, and diverted beyond measure as she was by Calandrino’s antics, while Filippo, Buffalmacco and the rest feigned to be occupied in converse, and to see nought of what passed. However, after a while, to Calandrino’s extreme disgust, they took their leave; and as they bent their steps towards Florence:—»I warrant thee,» quoth Bruno to Calandrino, «she wastes away for thee like ice in the sunlight; by the body o’ God, if thou wert to bring thy rebeck, and sing her one or two of thy love-songs, she’d throw herself out of window to be with thee.»
Quoth Calandrino:—»Think’st thou, comrade, think’st thou, ’twere well I brought it?» «Ay, indeed,» returned Bruno. Whereupon:—»Ah! comrade,» quoth Calandrino, «so thou wouldst not believe me when I told thee to-day? Of a truth I perceive there’s ne’er another knows so well what he would be at as I. Who but I would have known how so soon to win the love of a lady like that? Lucky indeed might they deem themselves, if they did it, those young gallants that go about, day and night, up and down, a strumming on the one-stringed viol, and would not know how to gather a handful of nuts once in a millennium. Mayst thou be by to see when I bring her the rebeck! thou wilt see fine sport.
List well what I say: I am not so old as I look; and she knows it right well: ay, and anyhow I will soon let her know it, when I come to grapple her. By the very body of Christ I will have such sport with her, that she will follow me as any love-sick maid follows her swain.» «Oh!» quoth Bruno, «I doubt not thou wilt make her thy prey: and I seem to see thee bite her
