Scene five
JAN A glass of beer. Cash down, to order; and a cup of tea, by mistake. (He picks up the cup and holds it poised for the moment, in silence. Then, heavily) Oh, my Saviour! My Lord God! Help me find the words I need! Or make me give up this hopeless task and go back to Maria and the warmth of her love. Give me the strength, Lord, to make up my mind, to know what I want, and to keep to it. (He laughs.) Well, here’s to the prodigal son! Long life and happiness!
(He drinks. A loud knock at the door.) Hello?
(The door opens, and the mother comes in.)
Scene six
MOTHER I beg your pardon, sir, but my daughter told me that she’d brought you some tea.
JAN As you can see. MOTHER Have you drunk it?
JAN Yes, I’m afraid I have.
MOTHER Then if you’ll excuse me, I’ll remove the tray. JAN (smiling) I’m sorry if it’s put you out.
MOTHER It doesn’t matter. But actually, it wasn’t meant for you. JAN Oh, I see. I didn’t ask for it. But your daughter brought it in and…
MOTHER (rather wearily) Yes. I know. It might have been better… JAN (surprised) I’m extremely sorry, believe me, but your daughter seemed quite keen to leave it, and I never thought…
MOTHER I’m sorry, too. But please don’t apologise. It’s just one of those mistakes.
(She puts the things on the tray and turns to go.) JAN Excuse me!
MOTHER Yes.
JAN I’ve just come to a decision. I shall in fact be leaving this evening after dinner. I’ll pay you for the room of course.
(She looks at him in silence.)
JAN I can see you’re surprised. But please don’t think that it’s anything you’ve done that’s prompted my decision. That would be quite wrong. My feelings towards you are as warm as they could be. Every bit as warm. But to be quite frank, I don’t feel at ease here, and I’d rather not prolong my stay.
MOTHER (slowly) There’s nothing wrong with that, sir. You must do as you like. The freedom’s all yours. But you might possibly have a change of heart between now and dinner. First impressions are always very persuasive, I know, but they’re not always right. Things may seem very strange, but after a while you often settle down and get used to them.
JAN I don’t think so. Not in this case. It’s not that I’m dissatisfied. Rather the opposite. I’ve been extremely grateful for the welcome that you’ve given me. (He hesitates.) In fact, I’ve even come to feel that I can expect a certain degree of consideration at your hands.
MOTHER I’m pleased to hear it, sir. But it’s hardly surprising. There’s nothing personal involved. I had no reason to make you feel uncomfortable.
JAN (with contained emotion) Perhaps you’re right. But I’d like to feel that we’re parting on good terms. Mainly because I may come back again. It’s at least a possibility, and I think I could even say I’m sure of it. But just for the moment I can’t escape the feeling that I’ve made a mistake. That there is nothing for me here. Nothing for me to do. To sum it up, I don’t feel at home here. And it’s not a sensation I like.
(She continues to stare at him.)
MOTHER No, but it’s not uncommon, and it usually comes on people the moment they arrive.
JAN Yes, I know it does. But as you can see, I’m not quite myself. And you must understand that it’s never very easy to come back to a country that you left a long time ago. I’m sure you’d acknowledge that.
MOTHER Of course. I had hoped that things would sort themselves out for you. But as far as I can see, there’s nothing more that we can do.
JAN No, no. Certainly not. I’ve no complaints on that score. It’s simply that you’re the first people I’ve met since I’ve been back, and difficulties such as these are bound to arise. But
it’s my problem, not yours. I haven’t settled down yet, that’s all.
MOTHER When things go badly, there’s not much you can do. In a certain sense, I find your decision slightly upsetting. But there again, there’s no particular reason why I should make very much of it.
JAN You’ve already made a great effort to understand me, and I have no wish to make any more demands on you. But what you have just said has touched a chord in me, and I should find it very difficult to describe the pleasure it gave me to hear you talk like that. (He tries to express his feelings.) Perhaps if I …
MOTHER But it’s part of our job to be pleasant to our guests. JAN (discouraged) Of course it is. (Pause.) Well, then, I must make my apologies, and if you’ll permit me, a small compensation for your…
(He passes his hand across his forehead, and begins to look very tired.) You must have taken some trouble, incurred some expenses, and it’s only reasonable…
MOTHER Oh, no compensation. We wouldn’t ask for that. We’ve lost nothing by all of this uncertainty. But I’m afraid that it may well have cost you something.
JAN (leaning on the table) Oh, don’t trouble yourself on my account. Just so long as there’s no confusion. That’s all that matters. I should like to feel that you’ll remember me with some affection. I shan’t forget the two of you, I assure you, and I only hope that when I return I’ll be in a better state of mind.
(She walks over to the door without another word.) JAN One last thing!
(She turns round. His speech is halting, but the words come with greatest fluency towards the end.)
I would very I much like to …(He stops.) Forgive me. I must apologise. The journey’s left me very tired. (He sits on the bed.) At the very least, I must clearly offer you my thanks… But I should also like you to know that my feelings as I leave will be substantially different from those of any other guest you may have entertained. They will not be so impersonal. MOTHER It’s very kind of you to say so.
(She goes out)
Scene seven
(He watches her leave. He makes some attempt at movement, but exhaustion is visibly taking its toll. Giving in to weariness, he sits on the bed, with his elbow on the pillow.)
JAN I’ll come back tomorrow. Maria will be with me, and this time I’ll say «It’s me». I’ll make them both happy. Maria was right. It’s all very simple. (He yawns, and pulls his legs up onto the bed.) What’s the matter with me this evening? I seem miles away from anywhere. (He is more or less lying down by now. He mouths a few words which are inaudible. Then) Yes or no ?
(He turns over and is asleep. The room is almost completely dark. There is a long silence. The door opens and the two women come in with a lamp. The Old Man follows them.)
Scene eight
MARTHA (in a whisper, looking at the body in the light of the lamp) He’s asleep.
MOTHER (in a similar voice, but louder all the time) No, Martha, no! I don’t like this! You’re forcing my hand. You started it, and now I’m supposed to finish. You’re dragging me into this to get round my doubts, and I don’t like it!
MARTHA I was trying to make the whole thing easier for you. With the mood you were in, I had to get things started. You gave me no choice.
MOTHER All right. I suppose we had to finish it. But that doesn’t make it any better. I still don’t like it.
MARTHA Come on! Think of tomorrow, and let’s get it done. (She searches through his jacket pockets, and pulls out a wallet. She counts the notes. She empties all his other pockets. During this operation the passport falls on to the floor behind the bed. The Old Man picks it up without either of the women noticing, and moves back out of the way.)
MARTHA There. Everything’s ready. In a few moments the river will have reached its height. We’ll come back for him when we hear the water running over the weir. Come on.
MOTHER (calmly) No. I’m fine where I am. (She sits down.)
MARTHA But… (She looks at her mother. Then, defiantly) You needn’t imagine that this is going to frighten me. Let’s wait here.
MOTHER Yes. I don’t I mind waiting. It’s good to have a rest. We’ve got a long night ahead of us, carrying that body all along the road, down to the river. It would be bad enough even if I
wasn’t tired. As it is, I can’t remember when I didn’t feel this way. My old blood has nothing left to give. That’s the real trouble. (She is swaying to and fro on the chair, as if half asleep.) While all the time his mind’s at rest. Fast asleep, and finished with the world. No more worries. He’ll slip without knowing from a sleep filled with shadows to a sleep free from dreams. No struggle for him. Not like the rest of us. He’s spared that torment. He’ll just sleep on, with no interruption. Sleep and death. He won’t know the difference.
MARTHA (defiantly) Well, that’s one relief! I’m glad he’s spared any suffering. I’ve no reason to hate him and… (She listens, and then smiles.) Mother, I think I can hear the water rising. Not long now. It’ll soon be over.
MOTHER (in the same attitude) Yes, it’ll soon
