They were both standing at the time by the great stone close to the fence, and there was no one near. The notes seemed to produce a tremendous impression on the captain. He started, but at first only from astonishment. Such an outcome of their conversation was the last thing he expected. Nothing could have been farther from his dreams than help from anyone- and such a sum!
He took the notes, and for a minute he was almost unable to answer, quite a new expres-sion came into his face.
«That for me? So much money- two hundred roubles! Good heavens! Why, I haven’t seen so much money for the last four years! Mercy on us! And she says she is a sister…. And is that the truth?»
«I swear that all I told you is the truth,»cried Alyosha. The captain flushed red.
«Listen, my dear, listen. If I take it, I shan’t be behaving like a scoundrel? In your eyes, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I shan’t be a scoundrel? No, Alexey Fyodorovitch, listen, listen,» he hurried, touching Alyosha with both his hands. «You are persuading me to take it, saying
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that it’s a sister sends it, but inwardly, in your heart won’t you feel contempt for me if I take it, eh?»
«No, no, on my salvation I swear I shan’t! And no one will ever know but me- I, you and she, and one other lady, her great friend.»
«Never mind the lady! Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch, at a moment like this you must listen, for you can’t understand what these two hundred roubles mean to me now.» The poor fellow went on rising gradually into a sort of incoherent, almost wild enthusiasm. He was thrown off his balance and talked extremely fast, as though afraid he would not be al-lowed to say all he had to say.
«Besides its being honestly acquired from a ‘sister,’ so highly respected and revered, do you know that now I can look after mamma and Nina, my hunchback angel daughter? Doctor Herzenstube came to me in the kindness of his heart and was examining them both for a whole hour. ‘I can make nothing of it,’ said he, but he prescribed a mineral water which is kept at a chemist’s here. He said it would be sure to do her good, and he ordered baths, too, with some medicine in them. The mineral water costs thirty copecks, and she’d need to drink forty bottles perhaps: so I took the prescription and laid it on the shelf under the ikons, and there it lies. And he ordered hot baths for Nina with something dissolved in them, morning and evening. But how can we carry out such a cure in our mansion, without servants, without help, without a bath, and without water? Nina is rheumatic all over, I don’t think I told you that. All her right side aches at night, she is in agony, and, would you believe it, the angel bears it without groaning for fear of waking us. We eat what we can get, and she’ll only take the leavings, what you’d scarcely give to a dog. ‘I am not worth it, I am taking it from you, I am a burden on you,’ that’s what her angel eyes try to express. We wait on her, but she doesn’t like it. ‘I am a useless cripple, no good to anyone.’ As though she were not worth it, when she is the saving of all of us with her angelic sweetness. Without her, without her gentle word it would be hell among us! She softens even Varvara. And don’t judge Varvara harshly either, she is an angel too, she, too, has suffered wrong. She came to us for the summer, and she brought sixteen roubles she had earned by lessons and saved up, to go back with to Petersburg in September, that is now. But we took her money and lived on it, so now she has nothing to go back with. Though indeed she couldn’t go back, for she has to work for us like a slave. She is like an overdriven horse with all of us on her back. She waits on us all, mends and washes, sweeps the floor, puts mamma to bed. And mamma is capricious and tearful and insane! And now I can get a servant with this money, you understand, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I can get medicines for the dear creatures, I can send my student to Petersburg, I can buy beef, I can feed them properly. Good Lord, but it’s a dream!»
Alyosha was delighted that he had brought him such happiness and that the poor fellow had consented to be made happy.
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«Stay, Alexey Fyodorovitch, stay,» the captain began to talk with frenzied rapidity, carried away by a new day-dream. «Do you know that Ilusha and I will perhaps really carry out our dream. We will buy a horse and cart, a black horse, he insists on its being black, and we will set off as we pretended the other day. I have an old friend, a lawyer in K. province, and I heard through a trustworthy man that if I were to go he’d give me a place as clerk in his office, so, who knows, maybe he would. So I’d just put mamma and Nina in the cart, and Ilusha could drive, and I’d walk, I’d walk…. Why, if I only succeed in getting one debt paid that’s owing me, I should have perhaps enough for that too!»
«There would be enough!» cried Alyosha. «Katerina Ivanovna will send you as much more as you need, and you know, I have money too, take what you want, as you would from a brother, from a friend, you can give it back later…. (You’ll get rich. you’ll get rich!) And you know you couldn’t have a better idea than to move to another province! It would be the saving of you, especially of your boy and you ought to go quickly, before the winter, before the cold. You must write to us when you are there, and we will always be brothers… No, it’s not a dream!»
Alyosha could have hugged him, he was so pleased. But glancing at him he stopped short. The man was standing with his neck outstretched and his lips protruding, with a pale and frenzied face. His lips were moving as though trying to articulate something; no sound came, but still his lips moved. It was uncanny.
«What is it?» asked Alyosha, startled.
«Alexey Fyodorovitch… I… you,» muttered the captain, faltering, looking at him with a strange, wild, fixed stare, and an air of desperate resolution. At the same time there was a sort of grin on his lips. «I… you, sir… wouldn’t you like me to show you a little trick I know?» he murmured, suddenly, in a firm rapid whisper, his voice no longer faltering.
«What trick?»
«A pretty trick,» whispered the captain. His mouth was twisted on the left side, his left eye was screwed up. He still stared at Alyosha.
«What is the matter? What trick?» Alyosha cried, now thoroughly alarmed.
«Why, look,» squealed the captain suddenly, and showing him the two notes which he had been holding by one corner between his thumb and forefinger during the conversation, he crumpled them up savagely and squeezed them tight in his right hand. «Do you see, do you see?» he shrieked, pale and infuriated. And suddenly flinging up his hand, he threw the crumpled notes on the sand. «Do you see?» he shrieked again, pointing to them. «Look there!» And with wild fury he began trampling them under his heel, gasping and exclaiming
as he did so:
«So much for your money! So much for your money! So much for your money! So much for your money!»
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Suddenly he darted back and drew himself up before Alyosha, and his whole figure ex-pressed unutterable pride.
«Tell those who sent you that the wisp of tow does not sell his honour,» he cried, raising his arm in the air. Then he turned quickly and began to run; but he had not run five steps before he turned completely round and kissed his hand to Alyosha. He ran another five paces and then turned round for the last time. This time his face was not contorted with laughter, but quivering all over with tears. In a tearful, faltering, sobbing voice he cried:
«What should I say to my boy if I took money from you for our shame?»
And then he ran on without turning. Alyosha looked after him, inexpressibly grieved. Oh, he saw that till the very last moment the man had not known he would crumple up and fling away the notes. He did not turn back. Alyosha knew he would not. He would not follow him and call him back, he knew why. When he was out of sight, Alyosha picked up the two notes. They were very much crushed and crumpled, and had been pressed into the sand, but were uninjured and
