Judas. Only God knows what may be hidden in the hearts of drunkards.’
‘Well, I went homewards, and near the hotel I came across a poor woman, carrying a child—a baby of some six weeks old. The mother was quite a girl herself. The baby was smiling up at her, for the first time in its life, just at that mo-ment; and while I watched the woman she suddenly crossed herself, oh, so devoutly! ‘What is it, my good woman I asked her. (I was never but asking questions then!) Exactly as is a mother’s joy when her baby smiles for the first time into her eyes, so is God’s joy when one of His children turns and prays to Him for the first time, with all his heart!’ This is what that poor woman said to me, almost word for word; and such a deep, refined, truly religious thought it was—a thought in which the whole essence of Christianity was ex-pressed in one flash—that is, the recognition of God as our Father, and of God’s joy in men as His own children, which is the chief idea of Christ. She was a simple country-wom-an—a mother, it’s true— and perhaps, who knows, she may have been the wife of the drunken soldier!
‘Listen, Parfen; you put a question to me just now. This is my reply. The essence of religious feeling has nothing to do with reason, or atheism, or crime, or acts of any kind—it has nothing to do with these things—and never had. There is something besides all this, something which the arguments of the atheists can never touch. But the principal thing, and the conclusion of my argument, is that this is most clearly seen in the heart of a Russian. This is a conviction which I have gained while I have been in this Russia of ours. Yes,
Parfen! there is work to be done; there is work to be done in this Russian world! Remember what talks we used to have in Moscow! And I never wished to come here at all; and I never thought to meet you like this, Parfen! Well, well— good-bye—good-bye! God be with you!’
He turned and went downstairs.
‘Lef Nicolaievitch!’ cried Parfen, before he had reached the next landing. ‘Have you got that cross you bought from the soldier with you?’
‘Yes, I have,’ and the prince stopped again. ‘Show it me, will you?’
A new fancy! The prince reflected, and then mounted the stairs once more. He pulled out the cross without taking it off his neck.
‘Give it to me,’ said Parfen. ‘Why? do you—‘
The prince would rather have kept this particular cross. ‘I’ll wear it; and you shall have mine. I’ll take it off at
once.’
‘You wish to exchange crosses? Very well, Parfen, if that’s the case, I’m glad enough—that makes us brothers, you know.’
The prince took off his tin cross, Parfen his gold one, and the exchange was made.
Parfen was silent. With sad surprise the prince observed that the look of distrust, the bitter, ironical smile, had still not altogether left his newly-adopted brother’s face. At mo-ments, at all events, it showed itself but too plainly,
At last Rogojin took the prince’s hand, and stood so for
some moments, as though he could not make up his mind. Then he drew him along, murmuring almost inaudibly,
‘Come!’
They stopped on the landing, and rang the bell at a door opposite to Parfen’s own lodging.
An old woman opened to them and bowed low to Parfen, who asked her some questions hurriedly, but did not wait to hear her answer. He led the prince on through several dark, cold-looking rooms, spotlessly clean, with white cov-ers over all the furniture.
Without the ceremony of knocking, Parfen entered a small apartment, furnished like a drawing-room, but with a polished mahogany partition dividing one half of it from what was probably a bedroom. In one corner of this room sat an old woman in an armchair, close to the stove. She did not look very old, and her face was a pleasant, round one; but she was white-haired and, as one could detect at the first glance, quite in her second childhood. She wore a black woollen dress, with a black handkerchief round her neck and shoulders, and a white cap with black ribbons. Her feet were raised on a footstool. Beside her sat another old woman, also dressed in mourning, and silently knitting a stocking; this was evidently a companion. They both looked as though they never broke the silence. The first old wom-an, so soon as she saw Rogojin and the prince, smiled and bowed courteously several times, in token of her gratifica-tion at their visit.
‘Mother,’ said Rogojin, kissing her hand, ‘here is my great friend, Prince Muishkin; we have exchanged crosses; he
was like a real brother to me at Moscow at one time, and did a great deal for me. Bless him, mother, as you would bless your own son. Wait a moment, let me arrange your hands for you.’
But the old lady, before Parfen had time to touch her, raised her right hand, and, with three fingers held up, de-voutly made the sign of the cross three times over the prince. She then nodded her head kindly at him once more.
‘There, come along, Lef Nicolaievitch; that’s all I brought you here for,’ said Rogojin.
When they reached the stairs again he added:
‘She understood nothing of what I said to her, and did not know what I wanted her to do, and yet she blessed you; that shows she wished to do so herself. Well, goodbye; it’s time you went, and I must go too.’
He opened his own door.
‘Well, let me at least embrace you and say goodbye, you strange fellow!’ cried the prince, looking with gentle re-proach at Rogojin, and advancing towards him. But the latter had hardly raised his arms when he dropped them again. He could not make up his mind to it; he turned away from the prince in order to avoid looking at him. He could not embrace him.
‘Don’t be afraid,’ he muttered, indistinctly, ‘though I have taken your cross, I shall not murder you for your watch.’ So saying, he laughed suddenly, and strangely. Then in a mo-ment his face became transfigured; he grew deadly white, his lips trembled, his eves burned like fire. He stretched out his arms and held the prince tightly to him, and said in a
strangled voice:
‘Well, take her! It’s Fate! She’s yours. I surrender her…. Remember Rogojin!’ And pushing the prince from him, without looking back at him, he hurriedly entered his own flat, and banged the door.
V
IT was late now, nearly half-past two, and the prince did not find General Epanchin at home. He left a card, and
determined to look up Colia, who had a room at a small ho-tel near. Colia was not in, but he was informed that he might be back shortly, and had left word that if he were not in by half-past three it was to be understood that he had gone to Pavlofsk to General Epanchin’s, and would dine there. The prince decided to wait till half-past three, and ordered some dinner. At half-past three there was no sign of Colia. The prince waited until four o’clock, and then strolled off me-chanically wherever his feet should carry him.
In early summer there are often magnificent days in St. Petersburg—bright, hot and still. This happened to be such a day.
For some time the prince wandered about without aim or object. He did not know the town well. He stopped to look about him on bridges, at street corners. He entered a confectioner’s shop to rest, once. He was in a state of ner-vous excitement and perturbation; he noticed nothing and no one; and he felt a craving for solitude, to be alone with his thoughts and his emotions, and to give himself up to them passively. He loathed the idea of trying to answer the questions that would rise up in his heart and mind. ‘I am not to blame for all this,’ he thought to himself, half uncon-
sciously.
Towards six o’clock he found himself at the station of the Tsarsko-Selski railway.
He was tired of solitude now; a new rush of feeling took hold of him, and a flood of light chased away the gloom, for a moment, from his soul. He took a ticket to Pavlofsk, and determined to get there as fast as he could, but some-thing stopped him; a reality, and not a fantasy, as he was inclined to think it. He was about to take his place in a car-riage, when he suddenly threw away his ticket and came out again, disturbed and thoughtful.
