We stuck out our hands to thank him for the lift and, without wasting words, said—Good-bye!
Good-bye? he cried. Aren’t you going to pay me?
Pay? I was dumbfounded. Whoever heard of paying for a ride?
You didn’t expect to ride for nothing, did you? he shouted. What about the gas and oil I bought? He leaned out of the car belligerently.
I had to do some tall explaining, and fast. He looked at us incredulously, then shook, his head and mumbled: I thought as much when I set eyes on you. As an afterthought: I’ve a good mind to run you in. Then something I would never have expected happened: he burst into tears. I leaned forward to say a comforting word, my heart completely melted. Go way from me! he yelled. Go way! We left him sitting huddled up over the steering wheel, his head in his arms, weeping to break his heart.
What in Christ’s name do you make of that? I said, somewhat shaken.
You were lucky he didn’t pull a knife on you, said Mona. The experience confirmed the conviction she had always held about Southerners—that they were absolutely unpredictable. It was time we thought of returning home, she thought.
The next day, as I sat at the machine with a vacant stare, I began to wonder how much longer we could carry on in sunny Carolina. Several weeks had passed since we last paid a cent towards our room. What we owed the good Mr. Rawlins for meals I didn’t dare think.
The following day, however, to our utter astonishment we received a telegram from Kronski informing us that he and his wife were on their way, would see us that very evening. A wind-fall!
Sure enough, just a little before dinner time they blew in.
Come all ye out of the wilderness
And glory be, the
Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Through all eternity.
Almost the first thing we asked, disgraceful as it sounds, was whether they had any money to spare.
Is that all that’s eating yez? Kronski was fairly beaming. That’s easy. How much would you like? Will fifty do?
We hugged one another for joy. Money he said—why didn’t you wire me? And in the next breath—Do you really like it here? Kinda scares me, to tell you the truth. This ain’t no country for niggers—nor for Jews. Makes me creepy…
Over the meal he wanted to know what I had written, whether I had sold anything, and so on. He had suspected, so he said, that things weren’t going well with us. That’s why we hopped down sort of sudden like. I’ve got thirty-six hours to spend with you. He said this with a smile which meant—you won’t have to put up with me a minute longer.
Mona was all for going back with them, but for some perverse reason I insisted that we stick it out a little longer. We argued about this rather heatedly but got nowhere.
The hell with that question, said Kronski. Now that we’re here, what can you show us before we leave?
Promptly I replied: Lake Junaleska. I didn’t know why I said it, it just popped out of my mouth. But then suddenly I did know. It was because I wanted to see Waynesville again.
Every time I get near this place—Waynesville—I feel as though I would like to settle down. I don’t know what it is about the place, but it gets me.
You’ll never settle down in the South, said Kronski. You’re a born New Yorker. Listen, why don’t you stop roaming through the hinterland and go abroad? The place for you is France, don’t you know that?
Mona agreed most enthusiastically. You’re the only one who talks sense to him, said she.
If it were me, said Kronski, I’d pick Russia. But I don’t have the wanderlust. I don’t find New York so bad, would you believe that? Then, in characteristic fashion, he added: Once I set up practice I’ll stake you two to a trip to Europe. I’m serious about it. I’ve had the thought many a time. You’re getting stale here. You don’t belong in this country, neither of you. It’s too small, too petty … it’s too god-damned prosaic, that’s what. As for. you, Mister Miller, quit writing those damned things for the magazines, do you hear me? You’re not meant to write that stuff. You’re cut out to write books. Write a book, why don’t you? You can do it…
The next day we went to Waynesville and to Lake Junaleska. Neither place made the least impression on any of them.
Funny, said I, as we were riding back, you can’t picture a guy like me spending the rest of his days in a spot like that—like Waynesville, I mean. Why? Why does it seem so fantastic?
You don’t belong, that’s all.
I don’t, eh? Where do I belong, I asked myself. France? Maybe. Maybe not. Forty million Frenchmen was a lot to swallow in one dose. If anything, I preferred Spain. I took instinctively to Spaniards, as I did to Russians.
Somehow the conversation had got me to pondering the economic question again. That was always a nightmare. In a weak moment I found myself wondering if we hadn’t better return to New York after all.
The next day, however, I was of a different mind. We accompanied Kronski and his wife to the edge of the town where they quickly got a lift. We stood there a moment waving good-bye, then I turned to Mona and mumbled thickly: He’s a good egg, that Kronski.
The best friend you’ve got, said she quick as a flash.
With the fifty from Kronski we paid something on our debts, and, trusting that Kronski would send us a little more when he got back to New York, we made another stab at it. By sheer force of will I succeeded in finishing another story. I tried to begin another, but it was hopeless: I hadn’t an idea in my bean. So instead I wrote letters to all and sundry, including that kind editor who had once offered to give me a job as his assistant. I also looked up O’Mara, but found him in such a despondent mood that I didn’t have the heart to mention money.
There was no doubt about it, the South was getting us down. The landlord and his wife did everything to make us comfortable; Mr. Rawlins, too, did his best to encourage us. Never a word from any of them about the money we still owed them. As for Matthews, his trips to West Virginia were becoming more frequent and more protracted. Besides, we simply couldn’t bring ourselves to borrow from him.
The heat, as I have already said, had a great deal to do with our lowered morale. There is a heat which warms and vitalizes, and there’s another kind which enervates one, saps one’s strength, one’s courage, even one’s desire to live. Our blood was too thick, I suppose. The general apathy of the natives only added to our own apathy. It was like somnolescing in a vacuum. Never did one hear the word art: it was absent from the vocabulary of these people. I had the feeling that the Cherokees had produced more art than these poor devils ever would. One missed the presence of the Indian whose land, after all, it was. One felt the overpowering presence of the Negro. A heavy, disturbing presence. The tar heel, as the native is called, is certainly no nigger lover. He’s not much of anything, in fact. As I say, it was a vacuum, a hot, smouldering vacuum, if one can imagine such a thing.
It made me itchy at times to walk up and down the desolate streets. Walking the road was no fun either. On every side a gorgeous setting presented itself to the eye, yet inwardly one felt nothing but despair and desolation. The beauty of the surroundings only served to ravage one. God had certainly meant for man to lead a different life here. The Indian had been much closer to God. As for the Negro, he would have thrived here had the white man given him a chance. I used to wonder, and I wonder still, whether eventually the Indian and the Negro will not get together, drive the white man out, and reestablish Paradise in this land of milk and honey. Ah well—
The very next blessing that Mary had
Hit was the blessing of two
To think her little Jesus
Could read the Bible through
Read the Bible through.
A few contributions dribbled in—pin money, no more!—as a result of the letters I had sent out to all and sundry. Not a word from Kronski, though.
We held out a few more weeks, then totally discouraged, we decided one night to get up at the crack of dawn and sneak away. We had only two little grips to lug. After a sleepless night we rose with the first streak of light and, carrying our shoes in one hand and a grip in the other, we eased
