I inquired how he was getting on as drill-master. He said it was discouraging. He was disappointed— the boys showed no spirit, no interest in military training.
«Mr. Miller,» he exclaimed, «I never met such boys in all my life. They have no sense of honor…»
I burst out laughing. No honor, God!
«Sheridan,» I said, «haven’t you learned yet that you’re dealing with the scum of the earth? Besides, boys aren’t born with a sense of honor. City boys especially. These boys are incipient gangsters. Have you ever been to the Mayor’s office? Have you seen the crowd that hangs out there? Those are grownup messenger boys. If you were to put them behind the bars you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference ‘ between them and the real convicts. The whole goddamned city is made up of nothing but crooks and gangsters. That’s what a city is—a breeding place for crime.»
Sheridan gave me a puzzled look.
«But you’re not like that, Mr. Miller,» he said, grinning sheepishly.
I had to laugh again. «I know, Sheridan. I’m one of the exceptions. I’m just killing time here. Some day I’m going out to Arizona, or some place where it’s quiet and empty. I’ve told you, haven’t I, that I went to Arizona years ago? I wish I had had the sense to stay there… Tell me, what was it you did back there… you weren’t a sheep-herder, were you?»
It was Sheridan’s turn to smile. «No, Mr. Miller, I told you, don’t you remember, that I was a barber.»
«A barber!»
«Yes,» said Sheridan, «and a darned good one too.»
«But you know how to ride, don’t you? You didn’t spend your life in a barber shop, I hope?»
«Oh no,» he answered quickly. «I did a little of everything, I guess. I’ve earned my own living ever since I was seven.»
«What made you come to New York?»
«I wanted to see what it was like in a big city. I had been to Denver and L.A.—and Chicago too. Everybody kept telling me I had to see New York, so I decided I would. I tell you, Mr. Miller, New York is a fine place—but I don’t like the people… I don’t understand their ways, I guess.»
«You mean the way they shove you around?» «Yes, and the way they lie and cheat. Even the women here are different. I can’t seem to find a girl I like.»
«You’re too good, Sheridan. You don’t know how to treat them.»
«I know it, Mr. Miller.» He dropped his head. He acted shy as a faun.
You know,» he began falteringly, «I guess there is something wrong with me. They laugh behind my back—everybody does, even the youngsters. Maybe it’s the way I talk.»»
«You can’t be too gentle with the boys, Sheridan,» I put in. «I warned you—be rough with them! Give ’em a cuffing once in a while. Swear at them. Don’t let them think you’re soft. If you do, they’ll walk all over you.»
He looked up softly and held out his hand. «See that? That’s where a boy bit me the other day. Can you imagine that?»
«What did you do to him?» Sheridan looked down at his feet again, him home,» he said.
«That’s all? You just sent him home? didn’t give him a thrashing?»
He was silent. After a few moments he spoke, quietly and with simple dignity.
«I don’t believe in punishment, Mr. Miller. If a man hits me I never strike back. I try to talk to him, find out what’s wrong with him. You see, I was knocked around a lot as a kid. I didn’t have an easy time of it…»
He stopped dead, shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
«I always wanted to tell you something,» he resumed, summoning all his courage. «You’re the only man I could tell this to, Mr. Miller. I know I can trust you…»
Again a pause. I waited attentively, wondering what it was he was trying to get off his chest.
«When I came to the telegraph company,» he continued, «I didn’t have a dime in my pocket. You remember that, Mr. Miller… you had to help me out. And I appreciate everything you did for me.»
Pause.
«I said a while back that I came to New York to see the big city. That’s only half-true. I was running away from something. You see, Mr. Miller, I was very much in love back there. I had a woman who meant everything to me. She understood me, and I understood her. But she was married to my brother. I didn’t want to steal her from my brother, but I couldn’t live without her…»
«Did your brother know that you were in love with her?»
«Not at first,» said Sheridan. «But after a time he couldn’t help but notice it. You see, we all lived together. He owned the barber shop and I helped him. We were doing first-rate too.»
Another awkward pause.
«The trouble all started one day, a Sunday it was, when we went on a picnic. We had been in love all the time, but we hadn’t done anything. I didn’t want to hurt my brother, as I told you. Anyway, it happened. We were sleeping outdoors and she was lying between us. I woke up all of a sudden and felt her hand on me. She was wide awake, staring at me with big eyes. She bent over and kissed me on the mouth. And right there, with my brother lying beside us, I took her.»
«Have another drink,» I urged.
«I guess I will,» said Sheridan. «Thank you.»
He continued in his slow, hesitant way, very delicate about it all, and obviously genuinely disturbed. I liked the way he talked about his brother. It was almost as if he were talking about himself.
«Well, to make it short, Mr. Miller, one day he went plumb crazy with jealousy—he came after me with the razor. You see that scar?» He turned his head slightly to one side. «That’s where I caught it, trying to dodge him. If I hadn’t ducked he would have sliced the side of my face off, I guess.»
Sheridan slowly sipped his drink, looking thoughtfully into the soaped mirror before him.
«I calmed him down finally,» he said. «He was frightened of course when he saw the blood running down my neck and my ear almost hanging off. And then, Mr. Miller, a terrible thing happened. He began to cry, just like a boy. He told me he was no good, and I knew that wasn’t so. He said he oughtn’t to have married Ella—that was her name. He said he would get divorced, go away somewhere, start all over again—and that I should marry Ella. He begged me to say I would. He even tried to lend me some money. He wanted to go away immediately… said he couldn’t stand it any longer. Of course I wouldn’t hear of it. I begged him not to say anything to Ella. I said I would take a little trip myself, to let things blow over. He wouldn’t hear of that… but finally, after I showed him that that was the only sensible thing to do, he agreed to let me go….»
«And that’s how you came to New York?»
«Yes, but that’s not all. You see, I tried to do the right thing. You would have done the same, if it had been your brother, wouldn’t you? I did all I could…»
«Well,» I said, «and what’s worrying you now?»
He stared vacant-eyed at the mirror.
«Ella,» he said, after a long pause. «She ran away from him. At first she didn’t know where I was. I sent them a postcard now and then, from this place and that, but never gave my address. The other day I got a letter from my brother, saying she had written him—from Texas. Begged him to give her my address. Said if she didn’t hear from me soon she would commit suicide.»
«Did you write her?»
«No,» he said, «I haven’t written her yet. I don’t know quite what to do.»
«But for Christ’s sake, you love her, don’t you? And she loves you. And your brother—he wouldn’t object. What the devil are you waiting for?»
«I don’t want to steal my brother’s wife. Besides, I know she does love him. She loves the two of us— that’s the size of it.»
It was my turn to be astonished again. I gave a low whistle. «So that’s it!» I chortled. «Well, that’s different.»
«Yes,» said Sheridan rapidly, «she loves the two of us equally well. She didn’t run away from him because she hated him or because she wanted me. She wants me, yes. But she ran away to make him do something, make him find me and bring me back.»
«Does he know that?» I asked, having a faint suspicion that Sheridan might have imagined things.
«Yes, he knows it and he’s willing to live that way, if that’s what she wants. I think he’d feel better, too, if it could be arranged that way.»
«Well?» I said. «What now? What are your plans?»
«I don’t know. I can’t think. What would you do in my place? I’ve told you everything, Mr. Miller.»
And then, as if to himself: «A man can’t hold out forever. I know it’s wrong to live like that… but if I don’t do something
