She talks about Paris. Now that she’s leaving she thinks that I ought to leave too. New York, Berlin, perhaps. One of the phenomena of this place is that it induces everyone departing from it to believe all those who remain are simply frittering away their souls and their substance. The general notion seems to be that you may be successful in Paris but that you have to go somewhere else to cash in on it.
Toots is still trying to persuade me to leave Paris when we get to my joint. But once we’re inside with the door closed behind us and the bed waiting to receive us, her time is forgotten. She’s come up here with me to be laid, and there’s no nonsense about it. I’ve hardly pushed the door shut when she’s put herself in my arms, rubbing herself up to me and feeling for John Thursday. Right there, two steps inside the room, I begin stripping her.
She has no pants on … I discover that the first thing. Say what you will for hidden sweets; I like things out in the open, all of it where you can get your hands on it when you want it, with no laces and straps and ties. Feeling her up, I lift her dress up until I have her ass bare and that mighty interesting fore view showing, too. Then, even though she’s just getting her fingers into my fly, I move back to get a good squint at her.
She stands transfixed, holding her dress up, showing what little girls are made of. Hairy and pink, and a sweet little stink, we used to say when I was a kid …
Only her eyes move for a moment. She looks down at her fig and then at John T.’s stable. Finally she tucks the dress up somehow and struts across the room, parading back and forth like one of those beauty contest bitches that you never see any place outside of the newsreels. Bare ass, bare cunt, belly belly … What an eyeful she makes, and she knows it, too. That’s one of the things that makes Toots unusual … . that she should know what a swell-looking cunt she is and yet not be stingy about that trap she has between her legs.
No wonder Carl was going nuts. Anyone would go nuts, having a cunt like that around and never being able to fuck it. He’ll be better off to have her gone … not that he or anyone else would listen to such an argument. I certainly wouldn’t.
While I’m watching her do this strutting act of hers I suddenly realize just how awful it must be to have a dose and a beautiful mistress, both at the same time.
Awful? It’s horrible … . it freezes my spine to think of it, having her undressing and showing off that ass with the hair between the cheeks when she turned around, bending over to pick something up and letting her bubs swing out and sway a little, passing her hands across her belly, scratching herself … and you sitting there with your dong wrapped up in a sling … I resolve to be doubly careful in the future.
Toots backs away from me when I try to get close enough to give her another feel. No, she’s not pulling any stunts, she’s telling me. But if I get my hands on her and she gets hers on me, if I begin to squeeze her ass and play with her teats
… why then, she’ll surely commence playing with Jean Jeudi … . first thing we know he’ll be up under her bush … and then where will we be? On the floor of course, and the bed is so much more practical as well as comfortable.
She falls face down on the bed and covers her face in the pillows and the crook of her arm, leaving her bare ass as a problem which it’s up to me to solve.
Her thighs are apart … shit, she’s a yard wide from knee to knee … with the garters pinching them tightly through the silk stockings. Her hair is coming down
… there’s a small pile of pins beside the pillow. From the rear she looks as though she needed a supply of pins to use between her legs … the hair spreads out and over her thighs like a kind of moss, very long and very curly. Anna flashes through my mind … Anna with her soft, oily goatee hiding her bonne-bouche. Then I remember that Anna and Toots came to know each other very well on that wonderfully drunken night when they met here. Toots must know almost as much about Anna’s soft goatee as I do … . and Anna knows things about Toots that I’d think twice about before learning for myself.
I have a very fine sort of memory for things of that type. I see things quite clearly and exactly as they looked, with none of the fuzzy edges that things sometimes have, as when, for instance, you dream about them. I spend a moment more in remembering it before I get onto the bed and give Toots the paddle on the ass which she’s obviously expecting and over which she therefore raises a loud howl.
She raises herself on one elbow and turns to give me some kind of Hell … but she sees my dong–which is really a dong by this time–and reaches for it with the hand that was rubbing her ass. I let her dig into the whiskers after my cock …
her ass is very interesting, one cheek pink and the other one white. The marks of my fingers begin to come out slowly, like a photographic plate being developed.
Her Henry does that, she confides while she’s trying to get Johnny’s head through an opening that’s too small for him. Rather too often and too hard, she thinks. No, he hasn’t shown any interest in the thought of screwing her, she adds quickly before I can get the question out. Not the slightest interest. But he does give her a smack on the ass, and when she jumps and squeals he positively roars with laughter. Do I think that possibly he may be a sadist? Oh! Suppose he beats her? Won’t that be horrible? And she shivers and sighs when she thinks how wonderfully horrible it would be if he strapped her or had the vice of the brush.
Christ, the machinery of women is a completely asinine mechanism once you get the hang of how it operates … I tell Toots, since it’s what she wants me to tell her, that Henry is without a doubt a modern version of Gilles de Rais. Ah, she likes that! Possibly, she thinks, he has friends who are addicted to the same strange pleasures … possibly he has them in to enjoy foul orgies of pain and lust… . . She lets her imagination carry her along … in a few moments she is picturing herself, a trusting young bride (if only she could be a virgin in the bargain!) being summoned forth to provide entertainment for her husband’s guests. Shit, if I don’t stop her she’ll have herself believing these fantasies, the marriage will be off, and all my fine leavetakings will be wasted… .
I pull her dress over her head but when I have it halfway off, with her arms secure and her face covered, I give it a twist in back and imprison her. She writhes … delicious! But that isn’t what she is saying … she’s demanding, pleading to be free … it’s that soft note in her throat that gives her away. I feel her up, pinch her teats, test the firmness of her thighs … at last I examine her conillon in the most minute detail. She wriggles her toes, she kicks–hut not too vehemently–and groans from the pleasure of it. Her armpits look particularly naked and helpless, for some obscure reason… .
When I allow her to be free she’s offended. Now–she won’t have anything to do with me. But at the same time she kicks her shoes off. I’m so very strong she sighs. Which is nothing but the sheerest nonsense. I doubt very much if I could even lift myself on a chinning bar these days … it’s all I can do to carry a fairly well-fed female from my couch to the bedroom.
What do I intend to do, she asks as I’m squirming, trying to take my pants off without standing up. There are three things which I might do, she tells me, and then she proceeds to enumerate them for me … What would cunt be, what would the bitches do without the words to be whispered or shouted or sung. I could screw her … or make her suck my cock … . . or put it up her rectum, I’ve been notified when I’m naked at last. What am I going to do? She wants me to tell her first, wants me to give her a sort of brief outline. Ah, Toots, you’re such a bitch…
. I’d be cheating you and myself if I let you pass out of my life without doing all of those things to you at least once more! Yes, I’ll screw you … ass, mouth and cunt
… until you have been marked forever by the passage of my prick … I’ll put my dong in your hair, in your ears, let you jerk me off and come with the end of my cock
