.
“Oh boy! Oh! Alf?” he says, wagging his finger at me. “How did you like her?
Was she a baggage like you thought? See … . . when I fix it up … . maybe you’ll believe me next time…” He runs around the room and finds a cigarette. “She likes you, Alf … . I saw her today, first thing, and she’s nuts about you … . . only she thinks you’re a little bit crazy. One thing is bad, though … . very bad. All those bruises on her behind, Alf … . how is she going to explain those to my brother?
Ah, but she likes that too … . at the time. She’s headstrong, Alf, and she forgets about tomorrow … . you shouldn’t spank her so hard next time … And for Christ’s sake take her to a better hotel … . she has friends at that place… .”
“Stop being cute, damn it. Listen, Raoul, you can tell that cunt … Oh, tell her any fucking thing you want to! She kept me waiting there an hour… .
“An hour? No, not an hour, Alf… . Eight o’clock, that was the time we said… .”
Raoul goes on talking until it begins to come to me that he really thinks I was out with his sister-in-law last night. Shit, he even has all the details about it…
Finally I put him straight and I have a hell of a time making him see that I’m not kidding… . He even climbs onto the bed and sniffs the sheets when I tell him I was home with another cunt last night. He’s wild when he’s convinced.
“But she got laid, Alf … honest she got laid good! You ought to see her this morning! I thought you were just shitting me, Alf… She isn’t smart enough to try to shit me… Do you know what’s happened, Alf? … She’s been screwed … she’s been cheated!”
He wants to know who I’d told about that date. I hadn’t told anybody. Then what corner was I standing on? Yes, that’s where she was … etc., etc., for ten minutes. Raoul doesn’t see anything funny in it, and it’s too early in the day for me to laugh.
“Well, what about that fuck I was supposed to get?” I ask Raoul. “How about tonight? Can she make it?”
Raoul gets sore. To hell with the fuck I was supposed to get he says … what about the one she got? How is he going to explain that to her? Do I think he’s going up and say, hey, that was the wrong one, and ask her to do it over? When she didn’t even get paid?
“What kind of a son-of-a-bitch could have done a thing like that, Alf? It must have been one of your friends … nobody else would do a thing like that. What a prick he must be, eh, Alf? Taking advantage of an innocent girl like that … and not even paying her … not even paying her, Alf? And in a cheap, lousy hotel where she could get lice or things! My own sister-in-law!”
He won’t stick around any longer … he’s got to rush right back and try to straighten things out. Do I have a picture of myself he can show her? No? Well, maybe he can call me up litter in the day and I’ll meet them some place so that he can show her she was fucked by the wrong guy… . Raoul says that maybe if she sees me she’ll like me and want to give me a screw anyway, but he can’t say that he’s very hopeful. There’s always bad luck like this in his family, Raoul says… He has a cousin who went with a girl … nice girl. But the girl got a job and pretty soon her boss was after her… Well, Raoul’s cousin found out that she had to be nice to her boss, and he didn’t like it. Up he goes to tell the old fart off. And then what do I suppose happened? I can’t guess, but I imagine it was something catastrophic… . The old man thought he was there looking for a job, Raoul tells me, and he hired him on the spot. So now they both have to kiss his ass, and Raoul’s cousin has to answer the phone and say the boss is in conference when he knows fucking well he’s back there with his girl friend on the couch, screwing the pants off her… . Nothing but bad luck in their family Raoul tells me.
I’ve just closed the door after Raoul when Alexandra comes dashing up the stairs. Have I got Tania here, she wants to know. Well, if I haven’t got here here, where have I got her? Tania, it seems, got tired of playing with her puppy and disappeared yesterday. She ought to be somewhere in Paris by now, and Alexandra has simply come to the most likely place to look for her.
What about Peter, I ask Alexandra when she’s calmer, is he gone too? No, Peter is still out in the country, waiting to see if Tania comes back … . he doesn’t know anymore about where she’s gone than anyone else does. But have I had any notes from her? Do I have any idea of where she might have gone?
What Alexandra seems to want is for me to organize a searching party, rouse the country through the columns of the paper, and send boy scouts out. I’ve never seen her go so completely up in the air, and it’s useless to try to talk to her until she’s got some sense. I tell her that I’ll do what I can, and Alexandra goes hopping off somewhere else. She’s completely off her nut today, but she needn’t be. If I know Tania, she’s taking very good care of herself… … .
BOOK II
France in My Pants
So it’s true. Tania is bald as an eagle, bald as an egg. All that’s left to show that she used to have a sprouting young rosebush down there between her legs is a soft bristling when she’s rubbed the wrong way. And it’s not only her cuntlet that’s been shaved … she’s shaved her ass too, or had it shaved … . not that there such a hell of a lot there to begin with… . .
“Peter did it,” she tells me, “and Snuggles helped. Isn’t it funny?”
She spreads her legs farther apart, slips down and pulls her dress up higher so that I can see it as well as feel it. It’s as smooth as her face … smoother, because on her face there’s still a light down which you can see if you get the light just right.
“I looked so strange when it was being done,” Tania giggles. “Like a horse foaming at the mouth. Peter said he wished I could make it juice that way.”
I can see what it must have been like… Snuggles holding the bowl of warm water, using the lathering brush, Peter holding his sister’s ass cheeks apart while he ran the razor down the crack… . Yes, that must have been a swell party.
Tania can’t sit still on my lap. She wiggles her ass from one side to the other, squeezes my hand between her thighs. She’s got that itch in her tail again… .
taking her muff away from her hasn’t done much to cool her pants. We could play a game, she says archly, to see if Jean Jeudi still recognizes her bonne-bouche… .
He’ll recognize her… . That thing is the face of Medusa where he’s concerned
… . one look and he turns to stone, even without the snaky whiskers. I’ve got a rock in my pants already … . but Tania knows how to soften it up … . she turns it to lava in that furnace of hers, and pours it out.
Tania’s wet between the legs. She doesn’t have any hair to mop it up with now, all that juice, she says … perhaps she’ll have to ask to borrow mine … . and into my pants she goes, grabbing a handful. The bitch, she doesn’t even ask for things any more, she takes what she can, and what she can’t get for herself, she demands.
Johnny, she thinks, would look very queer without his beaver. She opens my fly, pulls him out, and gives him the eye… . Yes, he’s got to have his whiskers to keep his dignity, she says. She tickles him under the chin… . If he didn’t have that fancy overcoat, Tania thinks, he’d probably hide his head for shame and never get big … . . he’d lose his spirit. Peter, she goes on to let me know, wouldn’t let Snuggles and her shave him… .
Tania has my cock in a death grip … . she’ll never let it go now until the life has been choked out of it. But she’s like a kid with a new toy about her cuntlet …
. she has to use one hand to investigate it even while she’s playing with me. She likes it so much, she tells me, that she can’t keep from playing with herself all the time. But Billie, she says, tells her that a little bare figlet like that isn’t the playing kind. It’s not the fucking kind, either … . it’s the kind you eat… …
She likes Billie, oh yes, she thinks that Billie’s
