THIRD PEASANT. Show some pity, master; be merciful!
SECOND PEASANT. How can you act so? It is doing us a wrong.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Nothing wrong about it, friends. I offered it you in summer, but then you did not agree; and now I can’t agree to it.
THIRD PEASANT. Master, be merciful! How are we to get along? We have so little land. We’ll say nothing about the cattle; a hen, let’s say, there’s no room to let a hen run about.
Leoníd Fyódoritch goes up to the door and stops. Enter, descending the staircase, Anna Pávlovna and doctor, followed by Vasíly Leoníditch, who is in a merry and playful mood and is putting some bank-notes into his purse.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA [tightly laced, and wearing a bonnet] Then I am to take it?
DOCTOR. If the symptoms recur you must certainly take it, but above all, you must behave better. How can you expect thick syrup to pass through a thin little hair tube, especially when we squeeze the tube? It’s impossible; and so it is with the biliary duct. It’s simple enough.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. All right, all right!
DOCTOR. Yes, “All right, all right,” and you go on in the same old way. It won’t do, madam–it won’t do. Well, good-bye!
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. No, not good-bye, only au revoir! For I still expect you to-night. I shall not be able to make up my mind without you.
DOCTOR. All right, if I have time I’ll pop in. [Exit].
ANNA PÁVLOVNA [noticing the Peasants] What’s this? What? What people are these? [Peasants bow].
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. These are peasants from Koursk, come to see Leoníd Fyódoritch about the sale of some land.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. I see they are peasants, but who let them in?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Leoníd Fyódoritch gave the order. He has just been speaking to them about the sale of the land.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. What sale? There is no need to sell any. But above all, how can one let in people from the street into the house? One can’t let people in from the street! One can’t let people into the house who have spent the night heaven knows where!… [Getting more and more excited] I daresay every fold of their clothes is full of microbes–of scarlet-fever microbes, of smallpox microbes, of diphtheria microbes! Why, they are from Koursk Government, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria … Doctor! Doctor! Call the doctor back!
Leoníd Fyódoritch goes into his room and shuts the door. Gregory goes to recall the Doctor.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [smokes at the Peasants] Never mind, mamma; if you like I’ll fumigate them so that all the microbes will go to pot! Eh, what?
Anna Pávlovna remains severely silent, awaiting the Doctor’s return.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [to Peasants] And do you fatten pigs? There’s a first-rate business!
FIRST PEASANT. That’s just so. We do go in for the pig-fattening line now and then.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. This kind?… [Grunts like a pig].
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Vovo, Vovo, leave off!
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Isn’t it like? Eh, what?
FIRST PEASANT. That’s just so. It’s very resemblant.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Vovo, leave off, I tell you!
SECOND PEASANT. What’s it all about?
THIRD PEASANT. I said, we’d better go to some lodging meanwhile!
Enter Doctor and Gregory.
DOCTOR. What’s the matter? What’s happened?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Why, you’re always saying I must not get excited. Now, how is it possible to keep calm? I do not see my own sister for two months, and am careful about any doubtful visitor–and here are people from Koursk, straight from Koursk, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria, right in my house!
DOCTOR. These good fellows you mean, I suppose?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Of course. Straight from a diphtheric place!
DOCTOR. Well, of course, if they come from an infected place it is rash; but still there is no reason to excite yourself so much about it.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. But don’t you yourself advise carefulness?
DOCTOR. Of course, of course. Still, why excite yourself?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. How can I help it? Now we shall have to have the house completely disinfected.
DOCTOR. Oh no! Why completely? That would cost 300 roubles or more. I’ll arrange it cheaply and well for you. Take, to a large bottle of water …
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Boiled?
DOCTOR. It’s all the same. Boiled would be better. To one bottle of water take a tablespoon of salicylic acid, and have everything they have come in contact with washed with the solution. As to the fellows themselves, they must be off, of course. That’s all. Then you’re quite safe. And it would do no harm to sprinkle some of the same solution through a spray–two or three tumblers–you’ll see how well it will act. No danger whatever!
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Tánya! Where is Tánya?
Enter Tánya.
TÁNYA. Did you call, M’m?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. You know that big bottle in my dressing-room?
TÁNYA. Out of which we sprinkled the laundress yesterday?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, of course! What other bottle could I mean? Well then, take that bottle and first wash with soap the place where they have been standing, and then with …
TÁNYA. Yes, M’m; I know how.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. And then take the spray … However, I had better do that myself when I get back.
DOCTOR. Well then, do so, and don’t be afraid! Well, au revoir till this evening. [Exit].
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. And they must be off! Not a trace of them must remain! Get out, get out! Go–what are you looking at?
FIRST PEASANT. That’s just so. It’s because of our stupidity, as we were instructed …
GREGORY [pushes the Peasants out] There, there; be off!
SECOND PEASANT. Let me have my handkerchief back! [The handkerchief in which the presents were wrapped].
THIRD PEASANT. Oh Lord, oh Lord! didn’t I say–some lodging-house meanwhile!
Gregory pushes him out. Exeunt Peasants.
PORTER [who has repeatedly tried to say something] Will there be any answer?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Ah, from Bourdier? [Excitedly] None! None! You can take it back. I told her I never ordered such a costume, and I will not allow my daughter to wear it!
PORTER. I know nothing about it. I was sent …
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Go, go, take it back! I will call myself about it!
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [solemnly] Sir Messenger from Bourdier, depart!
PORTER. I might have been told that long ago. I have sat here nearly five hours!
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Ambassador from Bourdier, begone!
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Cease, please!
Exit Porter.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Betsy! Where is she? I always have to wait for her.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [shouting at the top of his voice] Betsy! Petrístchef! Come quick, quick, quick! Eh? What?
Enter Petrístchef, Betsy, and Márya Konstantínovna.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. You always keep one waiting!
BETSY. On the contrary, I was waiting for you!
Petrístchef bows with his head only, then kisses Anna Pávlovna’s hand.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. How d’you do! [To Betsy] You always have an answer ready!
BETSY. If you are upset, mamma, I had better not go.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Are we going or not?
BETSY. Well, let us go; it can’t be helped.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Did you see the man from Bourdier?
BETSY. Yes, and I was very glad. I ordered the costume, and am going to wear it when it is paid for.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. I am not going to pay for a costume that is indecent!
BETSY. Why has it become indecent? First it was decent, and now you have a fit of prudery.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Not prudery at all! If the bodice were completely altered, then it would do.
BETSY. Mamma, that is quite impossible.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, get dressed. [They sit down. Gregory puts on their over-shoes for them].
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Márya Konstantínovna, do you notice a vacuum in the hall?
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. What is it? [Laughs in anticipation].
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Bourdier’s man has gone! Eh, what? Good, eh? [Laughs loudly].
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, let us go. [Goes out of the door, but returns at once] Tánya!
TÁNYA. Yes, M’m?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Don’t let Frisk catch cold while I am away. If she wants to be let out, put on her little yellow cloak. She is not quite well to-day.
TÁNYA. Yes, M’m.
Exeunt Anna Pávlovna, Betsy, and Gregory.
PETRÍSTCHEF. Well, have you got it?
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Not without trouble, I can tell you! First I rushed at the gov’nor; he began to bellow and turned me out. Off to the mater–I got it out of her. It’s here! [Slaps his breast pocket] If once I make up my mind, there’s no getting away from me. I have a deadly grip! Eh, what? And d’you know, my wolf-hounds are coming to-day.
Petrístchef and Vasíly Leoníditch put on their outdoor things and go out. Tánya follows.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH [alone] Yes, nothing but unpleasantness. How is it they can’t live in peace? But one must say the new generation are not–the thing. And as to the women’s dominion!… Why, Leoníd Fyódoritch just now was going to put in a word, but seeing what a frenzy she was in–slammed the door behind him. He is a wonderfully kind-hearted man. Yes, wonderfully kind. What’s this? Here’s Tánya bringing them back again!
TÁNYA. Come in, come in, grand-dads, never mind!
Enter Tánya and the Peasants.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Why have you brought them back?
TÁNYA. Well, Theodore Ivánitch, we must do something about their business. I shall have to wash the place anyhow.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But the business will not come off, I see that already.
FIRST PEASANT. How could we best put our affair into action, respected sir? Your reverence might take a little trouble over it, and we should give you full thankings from the Commune for your trouble.
THIRD PEASANT. Do try, honey! We can’t live! We have so little land. Talk of cattle–why, we have no room to keep a hen! [They bow].
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I am sorry for you, friends, but I can’t think of any way to help you. I understand your case very well, but he has refused. So what can one do? Besides, the lady is also against it. Well, give me your papers–I’ll try and see what I can do,
