LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [arranging the things on the table absent-mindedly] What dogs?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. The three hounds that came for Vasíly Leoníditch to-day.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [vexed] Tell Anna Pávlovna! She can do as she likes about it. I have no time.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But you know her weakness …
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. ‘Tis just as she likes, let her do as she pleases. As for him,–one never gets anything but unpleasantness from him. Besides, I am busy.
Enter Simon, smiling; he has a sleeveless peasant’s coat on.
SIMON. I was ordered to come.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes, it’s all right. Let me see your hands. That will do, that will do very well! Well then, my good fellow, you must do just as you did before,–sit down, and give way to your mood. But don’t think at all.
SIMON. Why should I think? The more one thinks, the worse it is.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Just so, just so, exactly! The less conscious one is, the greater is the power. Don’t think, but give in to your mood. If you wish to sleep, sleep; if you wish to walk, walk. Do you understand?
SIMON. How could one help understanding? It’s simple enough.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. But above all, don’t be frightened. Because you might be surprised yourself. You must understand that just as we live here, so a whole world of invisible spirits live here also.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH [improving on what Leoníd Fyódoritch has said] Invisible feelings, do you understand?
SIMON [laughs] How can one help understanding! It’s very plain as you put it.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. You may rise up in the air, or something of the kind, but don’t be frightened.
SIMON. Why should I be frightened? That won’t matter at all.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well then, I’ll go and call them all…. Is everything ready?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I think so.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. But the slates?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. They are downstairs. I’ll bring them. [Exit].
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. All right then. So don’t be afraid, but be at your ease.
SIMON. Had I not better take off my coat? One would be more easy like.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Your coat? Oh no. Don’t take that off. [Exit].
SIMON. She tells me to do the same again, and she will again shy things about. How isn’t she afraid?
Enter Tánya in her stockings and in a dress of the colour of the wall-paper. Simon laughs.
TÁNYA. Shsh!… They’ll hear! There, stick these matches on your fingers as before. [Sticks them on] Well, do you remember everything?
SIMON [bending his fingers in, one by one] First of all, wet the matches and wave my hands about, that’s one. Then make my teeth chatter, like this … that’s two. But I’ve forgotten the third thing.
TÁNYA. And it’s the third as is the chief thing. Don’t forget as soon as the paper falls on the table–I shall ring the little bell–then you do like this…. Spread your arms out far and catch hold of some one, whoever it is as sits nearest, and catch hold of him. And then squeeze! [Laughs] Whether it’s a gentleman or a lady, it’s all one; you just squeeze ’em, and don’t let ’em go,–as if it were in your sleep, and chatter with your teeth, or else howl like this. [Howls sotto-voce] And when I begin to play on the guitar, then stretch yourself as if you were waking up, you know…. Will you remember everything?
SIMON. Yes, I’ll remember, but it is too funny.
TÁNYA. But mind you don’t laugh. Still, it won’t matter much if you do laugh; they’d think it was in your sleep. Only take care you don’t really fall asleep when they put out the lights.
SIMON. No fear, I’ll pinch my ears.
TÁNYA. Well then Sim darling, only mind do as I tell you, and don’t get frightened. He’ll sign the paper, see if he don’t! They’re coming!
Gets under the sofa.
Enter Grossman and the Professor, Leoníd Fyódoritch and the Fat Lady, the Doctor, Sahátof and Anna Pávlovna. Simon stands near the door.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Please come in, all you doubters! Though we have a new and accidentally discovered medium, I expect very important phenomena to-night.
SAHÁTOF. That’s very, very interesting.
FAT LADY [pointing to Simon] Mais il est très bien![12]
[12] FAT LADY. But he looks quite nice.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Yes, as a butler’s assistant, but hardly …
SAHÁTOF. Wives never have any faith in their husbands’ work. You don’t believe in anything of this kind?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Of course not. Kaptchítch, it is true, has something exceptional about him, but Heaven knows what all this is about!
FAT LADY. No, Anna Pávlovna, permit me, you can’t decide it in such a way. Before I was married, I once had a remarkable dream. Dreams, you know, are often such that you don’t know where they begin and where they end; it was just such a dream that I …
Enter Vasíly Leoníditch and Petrístchef.
FAT LADY. And much was revealed to me by that dream. Nowadays the young people [points to Petrístchef and Vasíly Leoníditch] deny everything.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. But look here, you know–now I, for instance, never deny anything! Eh, what?
Betsy and Márya Konstantínovna enter, and begin talking to Petrístchef.
FAT LADY. And how can one deny the supernatural? They say it is unreasonable. But what if one’s reason is stupid; what then? There now, on Garden Street, you know … why, well, it appeared every evening! My husband’s brother–what do you call him? Not beau-frère–what’s the other name for it?–I never can remember the names of these different relationships–well, he went there three nights running, and still he saw nothing; so I said to him …
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, who is going to stay here?
FAT LADY. I! I!
SAHÁTOF. I.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA [to Doctor] Do you mean to say you are going to stay?
DOCTOR. Yes; I must see, if only once, what it is that Alexéy Vladímiritch has discovered in it. How can we deny anything without proofs?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Then I am to take it to-night for certain?
DOCTOR. Take what?… Oh, the powder. Yes, it would perhaps be better. Yes, yes, take it…. However, I shall come upstairs again.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Yes please, do. [Loud] When it is over, mesdames et messieurs, I shall expect you to come to me upstairs to rest from your emotions, and then we will finish our rubber.
FAT LADY. Oh, certainly.
SAHÁTOF. Yes, thanks!
Exit Anna Pávlovna.
BETSY [to Petrístchef] You must stay, I tell you. I promise you something extraordinary. Will you bet?
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. But you don’t believe in it?
BETSY. To-day I do.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA [to Petrístchef] And do you believe?
PETRÍSTCHEF. “I can’t believe, I cannot trust a heart for falsehood framed.” Still, if Elizabeth Leonídovna commands …
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Let us stay, Márya Konstantínovna. Eh, what? I shall invent something épâtant.
MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. No, you mustn’t make me laugh. You know I can’t restrain myself.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [loud] I remain!
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [severely] But I beg those who remain not to joke about it. It is a serious matter.
PETRÍSTCHEF. Do you hear? Well then, let’s stay. Vovo, sit here, and don’t be too shy.
BETSY. Yes, it’s all very well for you to laugh; but just wait till you see what will happen.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Oh, but supposing it’s true? Won’t it be a go! Eh, what?
PETRÍSTCHEF [trembles] Oh, I’m afraid, I’m afraid! Márya Konstantínovna, I’m afraid! My tootsies tremble.
BETSY [laughing] Not so loud.
All sit down.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Take your seats, take your seats. Simon, sit down!
SIMON. Yes, sir. [Sits down on the edge of the chair].
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Sit properly.
PROFESSOR. Sit straight in the middle of the chair, and quite at your ease. [Arranges Simon on his chair].
Betsy, Márya Konstantínovna and Vasíly Leoníditch laugh.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [raising his voice] I beg those who are going to remain here not to behave frivolously, but to regard this matter seriously, or bad results might follow. Do you hear, Vovo! If you can’t be quiet, go away!
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Quite quiet! [Hides behind Fat Lady].
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Alexéy Vladímiritch, will you mesmerise him?
PROFESSOR. No; why should I do it when Antón Borísitch is here? He has had far more practice and has more power in that department than I…. Antón Borísitch!
GROSSMAN. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not, strictly speaking, a spiritualist. I have only studied hypnotism. It is true I have studied hypnotism in all its known manifestations; but what is called spiritualism, is entirely unknown to me. When a subject is thrown into a trance, I may expect the hypnotic phenomena known to me: lethargy, abulia, anæsthesia, analgesia, catalepsy, and every kind of susceptibility to suggestion. Here it is not these but other phenomena we expect to observe. Therefore it would be well to know of what kind are the phenomena we expect to witness, and what is their scientific significance.
SAHÁTOF. I thoroughly agree with Mr. Grossman. Such an explanation would be very interesting.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. I think Alexéy Vladímiritch will not refuse to give us a short explanation.
PROFESSOR. Why not? I can give an explanation if it is desired. [To the Doctor] Will you kindly note his temperature and pulse? My explanation must, of necessity, be cursory and brief.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes, please; briefly, quite briefly.
DOCTOR. All right. [Takes out thermometer] Now then, my lad … [Places the thermometer].
SIMON. Yes, sir!
PROFESSOR [rising and addressing the Fat Lady–then reseating himself] Ladies and gentlemen! The phenomenon we are investigating to-night is regarded, on the one hand, as something new; and, on the other, as something transcending the limits of natural conditions. Neither view is correct. This phenomenon is not new but is as old as the world; and it is not supernatural but is subject to the eternal laws that govern all that exists. This phenomenon has been usually defined as “intercourse with the spirit world.” That definition is inexact. Under such a definition the spirit world is contrasted with
