ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, of course, if you have a hand in anything, what can one expect but the very worst results!
Enter the Professor.
PROFESSOR. How do you do, Anna Pávlovna? How do you do, Miss Betsy? Leoníd Fyódoritch, I have brought you a report of the Thirteenth Congress of Spiritualists at Chicago. An amazing speech by Schmidt!
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Oh, that is interesting!
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. I will tell you something much more interesting! It turns out that both you and my husband were fooled by this girl! Betsy takes it on herself, but that is only to annoy me. It was an illiterate peasant girl who fooled you, and you believed it all. There were no mediumistic phenomena last night; it was she [pointing to Tánya] who did it!
PROFESSOR [taking off his overcoat] What do you mean?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. I mean that it was she who, in the dark, played on the guitar and beat my husband on the head and performed all your idiotic tricks–and she has just confessed!
PROFESSOR [smiling] What does that prove?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. It proves that your mediumism is–tomfoolery; that’s what it proves!
PROFESSOR. Because this young girl wished to deceive, we are to conclude that mediumism is “tomfoolery,” as you are pleased to express it? [Smiles] A curious conclusion! Very possibly this young girl may have wished to deceive: that often occurs. She may even have done something; but then, what she did–she did. But the manifestations of mediumistic energy still remain manifestations of mediumistic energy! It is even very probable that what this young girl did, evoked (and so to say solicited) the manifestation of mediumistic energy,–giving it a definite form.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Another lecture!
PROFESSOR [sternly] You say, Anna Pávlovna, that this girl, and perhaps this dear young lady also, did something; but the light we all saw, and, in the first case the fall, and in the second the rise of temperature, and Grossman’s excitement and vibration–were those things also done by this girl? And these are facts, Anna Pávlovna, facts! No! Anna Pávlovna, there are things which must be investigated and fully understood before they can be talked about, things too serious, too serious …
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. And the child that Márya Vasílevna distinctly saw? Why, I saw it too…. That could not have been done by this girl.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. You think yourself wise, but you are–a fool.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, I’m going…. Alexéy Vladímiritch, will you come? [Exit into his study].
PROFESSOR [shrugging his shoulders, follows] Oh, how far, how far, we still lag behind Western Europe!
Enter Jacob.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA [following Leoníd Fyódoritch with her eyes] He has been tricked like a fool, and he sees nothing! [To Jacob] What do you want?
JACOB. How many persons am I to lay the table for?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. For how many?… Theodore Ivánitch! Let him give up the silver plate to you. Be off, at once! It is all his fault! This man will bring me to my grave. Last night he nearly starved the dog that had done him no harm! And, as if that were not enough, he lets the infected peasants into the kitchen, and now they are here again! It is all his fault! Be off at once! Discharge him, discharge him! [To Simon] And you, horrid peasant, if you dare to have rows in my house again, I’ll teach you!
SECOND PEASANT. All right, if he is a horrid peasant there’s no good keeping him; you’d better discharge him too, and there’s an end of it.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA [while listening to him looks at Third Peasant] Only look! Why, he has a rash on his nose–a rash! He is ill; he is a hotbed of infection!! Did I not give orders, yesterday, that they were not to be allowed into the house, and here they are again? Drive them out!
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Then are we not to accept their money?
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Their money? Oh yes, take their money; but they must be turned out at once, especially this one! He is quite rotten!
THIRD PEASANT. That’s not just, lady. God’s my witness, it’s not just! You’d better ask my old woman, let’s say, whether I am rotten! I’m clear as crystal, let’s say.
ANNA PÁVLOVNA. He talks!… Off, off with him! It’s all to spite me!… Oh, I can’t bear it, I can’t!… Send for the doctor! [Runs away, sobbing. Exit also Jacob and Gregory].
TÁNYA [to Betsy] Miss Elizabeth, darling, what am I to do now?
BETSY. Never mind, you go with them and I’ll arrange it all. [Exit].
FIRST PEASANT. Well, your reverence, how about the reception of the sum now?
SECOND PEASANT. Let us settle up, and go.
THIRD PEASANT [fumbling with the packet of bank-notes] Had I known, I’d not have come for the world. It’s worse than a fever!
THEODORE IVÁNITCH [to Doorkeeper] Show them into my room. There’s a counting-board there. I’ll receive their money. Now go.
DOORKEEPER. Come along.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. And it’s Tánya you have to thank for it. But for her you’d not have had the land.
FIRST PEASANT. That’s just it. As she made the proposal, so she put it into effect.
THIRD PEASANT. She’s made men of us. Else what were we? We had so little land, no room to let a hen out, let’s say, not to mention the cattle. Good-bye, dear! When you get to the village, come to us and eat honey.
SECOND PEASANT. Let me get home and I’ll start brewing the beer for the wedding! You will come?
TÁNYA. Yes, I’ll come, I’ll come! [Shrieks] Simon, this is fine, isn’t it? [Exeunt Peasants].
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Well, Tánya, when you have your house I’ll come to visit you. Will you welcome me?
TÁNYA. Dear Theodore Ivánitch, just the same as we would our own father! [Embraces and kisses him].
Curtain.
The end
Note
The following is a list of corrections made to the original. The first line is the original line, the second the corrected one.
ALEXÉY VLADÍMIROVITCH KROUGOSVÉTLOF. A professor and scientist of about ALEXÉY VLADÍMIRITCH KROUGOSVÉTLOF. A professor and scientist of about
THE FAT LADY: MÁRYA VASÍLYEVNA TOLBOÚHINA. A very distinguished, rich, THE FAT LADY: MÁRYA VASÍLEVNA TOLBOÚHINA. A very distinguished, rich,
PETRÍSTCHEF. Nothing. I only say, get some at any cost I will wait. PETRÍSTCHEF. Nothing. I only say, get some at any cost. I will wait.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Then pay up and don’t be stingy [To Theodore VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Then pay up and don’t be stingy. [To Theodore
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. What d’you think, Theodore Ivanítch, is he flush of VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. What d’you think, Theodore Ivánitch, is he flush of
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I don’t know. I hardly think so, But what does it THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I don’t know. I hardly think so. But what does it
COACHMAN. They’d better be brought here to Loukérya COACHMAN. They’d better be brought here to Loukérya.
VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Excuse me a moment. [To Servants Cook] Where are the VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Excuse me a moment. [To Servants’ Cook] Where are the
do it out of spite. .. I turn them out from there, and they bring them do it out of spite…. I turn them out from there, and they bring them
too!. . [Exit, sobbing, followed by Leoníd Fyódoritch]. too!… [Exit, sobbing, followed by Leoníd Fyódoritch].
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Then, I’ll tell you what . . THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Then, I’ll tell you what …
PETRÍSTCHEF [trembles] Oh, I’m afraid, I’m afraid! Márya Konstantínova, PETRÍSTCHEF [trembles] Oh, I’m afraid, I’m afraid! Márya Konstantínovna,
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, it did get there! [Exit Theodore Ivánitch LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, it did get there! [Exit, Theodore Ivánitch
“A raft sails by,’ “A raft sails by,”
The End
