LABOURER to Chief See what will happen now! I’ll trip up the woman with my foot and she’ll spill the liquor. Formerly he did not grudge his last crust, but now see what he’ll do about a glass of spirits!
PEASANT. Now then, wife, fill again and hand it round in due order — first to our friend here, then to Daddy Michael.
Wife fills a glass and goes round the table. The Labourer trips her up; she stumbles and upsets the glass.
WIFE. Gracious goodness, I’ve spilt it! Why do you get in my way, confound you?
PEASANT to Wife There now, what a clumsy beast! Her fingers are all thumbs, and she goes swearing at others! See what fine stuff she goes spilling on the ground!
WIFE. I didn’t do it on purpose.
PEASANT. On purpose indeed! Wait till I get up; I’ll teach you how to pour spirits on the ground. To Labourer And you too, you confounded fool, what are you prancing round the table for? Go to the Devil!
Wife again fills and hands the glasses round.
LABOURER goes back to the oven to the Chief You see? Formerly he did not grudge his last crust, and now for a glass of spirits he nearly beat his wife and sent me to you — to the Devil!
CHIEF. It’s good, very good! I’m satisfied.
LABOURER. You wait a bit. Let them empty the bottle — and you’ll see what will happen. Even now they are giving each other smooth oily words; presently they’ll start flattering each other, — as cunning as foxes.
PEASANT. Well, old friends, what’s your opinion of my business? My grandfather has been living with me, and I have been feeding him and feeding him, and now he’s gone to live with my uncle, and wants to take his share of the property and give it to uncle! Consider it well; you are wise men. We could as well do without our own heads as without you. There’s no one in the whole village to come near you. Take you for example, Iván Fedótitch — doesn’t every one say you’re first among men? And as for me, I’ll tell you the truth, Iván Fedótitch, I’m fonder of you than of my own father or mother. As for Michael Stepánitch, he’s an old friend.
FIRST ELDER to Peasant It’s good to talk with a good man. It’s the way to get wisdom. It’s just the same with you. One can’t find any one to compare with you either.
SECOND ELDER. Wise and affectionate — that’s what I like you for.
THIRD ELDER. You have my best sympathy. I can’t find words to express it. I was saying to my old woman only to-day …
FOURTH ELDER. A friend, a real friend!
LABOURER nudges the Chief Do you hear? All lies! They abuse one another behind their backs, but see how thick they are laying it on now, — like foxes wagging their tails! And it all comes from that drink.
CHIEF. That drink is good, very good! If they take to lying like that, they’ll all be ours. Very good; I’m satisfied!
LABOURER. Wait a bit. When they’ve finished a second bottle it will be better still!
WIFE serves Do have another glass.
FIRST ELDER. Won’t it be too much? Your health! Drinks It’s pleasant to drink in the company of a good man.
SECOND ELDER. How can one help drinking? Health to the host and hostess!
THIRD ELDER. Friends, your health!
FOURTH ELDER. This is a brew of the right sort! Let’s be merry! We’ll arrange things for you. ‘Cos it all depends on me!
FIRST ELDER. On you? No, not on you, but on what your seniors say.
FOURTH ELDER. My seniors are greater fools. Go where you came from!
SECOND ELDER. What are you up to now? You fool!
THIRD ELDER. It’s true what he’s saying! ‘Cos why? The host is not entertaining us for nothing. He means business. The business can be arranged. Only you must stand treat! Show us due respect. ‘Cos it’s you as wants me, and not I you! You’re own brother to the pig!
PEASANT. And you’re itself! What are you yelling for? Think to surprise me? You are all good at stuffing yourselves!
FIRST ELDER. What are you giving yourself airs for? See if I don’t twist your nose to one side!
PEASANT. We’ll see whose nose will get twisted!
SECOND ELDER. Think yourself such a marvel? Go to the Devil! I won’t speak to you — I’ll go away!
PEASANT holds him What, will you break up the company?
SECOND ELDER. Let me go, or I’ll call for help!
PEASANT. I won’t! What right have you to …?
SECOND ELDER. This right! Beats him.
PEASANT to the other Elders Help me!
They fall on one another, and all speak at once.
FIRST ELDER. That’s why. ‘Cos it means we’re all having a spree-ee!
SECOND ELDER. I can arrange everything!
THIRD ELDER. Let’s have some more!
PEASANT to Wife Bring another bottle!
All sit round the table again and drink.
LABOURER to Chief Have you noticed? The wolf’s blood in them was aroused, and they’ve turned as fierce as wolves.
CHIEF. The drink is good! I’m satisfied!
LABOURER. Wait a bit. Let them empty a third bottle. Things will be better still!
Curtain
Act VI
The scene represents a village street. To the right some old women are sitting on logs of wood with the Grandfather. In the centre, is a ring of women, girls, and lads. Dance music is played and they dance. Noise is heard from the hut, and drunken screams. An old man comes out and shouts in a tipsy voice. The Peasant follows him and leads him back.
GRANDFATHER. Ah, what doings! what doings! One would think, what more would any one want than to do his work on week days, and when Sunday comes round, to have a good wash, clean the harness, and rest a bit and sit with his family; or go outside and have a talk with the old folk about matters concerning the Commune. Or, if you’re young, have a game. There they are playing, — and it’s pleasant to look at them. It’s all pleasant and good. Screams inside the hut But this sort of thing, what is it? It only leads men astray, and pleases the Devils. And it all comes of fat living!
Tipsy men come tumbling out of the hut, shout, and catch hold of the girls.
GIRLS. Leave off, Daddy Tom! What do you mean by it?
LADS. Let’s go into the lane. It’s impossible to play here.
Exeunt all who were playing in the ring.
PEASANT goes up to Grandfather What have you got now? The Elders will allot everything to me! Snaps his fingers at him That’s what you’ll get! So there you are! It’s all mine and you’ve nothing! They’ll tell you so themselves!
The four Elders speak all at once.
FIRST ELDER. ‘Cos I know what’s what!
SECOND ELDER. “‘Fore all I’ll be heard, ‘Cos I’m an old bird!”
THIRD ELDER. Friend! dear friend, dearest friend!
FOURTH ELDER. “Jog along hut, jog along bed, The missis has nowhere to lay down her head!”
Now then, come along!
The Elders take each other’s arms in couples and go off reeling, one couple following the other. The Peasant turns back to the hut, but stumbles before he reaches it, — falls down, and lies muttering incomprehensible words that sound like grunts. The Grandfather and those he was with, rise and exeunt.
Enter Labourer and Chief of Devils.
LABOURER. Did you see? Now the swine’s blood has been roused in them, and from wolves they have turned into swine! Points to Peasant There he lies in the dirt and grunts like a hog!
CHIEF. You have succeeded! First like foxes, then like wolves, and now like swine! Well, that is a drink! But tell me, how did you make it? I suppose it’s made of a mixture of foxes’, wolves’, and swine’s blood?
LABOURER. Oh no! I only supplied him with too much corn! As long as he had only as much corn as he needed, he did not grudge his last crust, but when he had more than he knew what to do with, the fox’s, the wolf’s, and the swine’s blood in him awoke. He always had beast’s blood in him, only it could not get the upper hand.
CHIEF. Well, you’re a fine fellow! You’ve atoned for your crust-blunder. Now they only need to drink spirits, and they’re altogether ours!
Curtain
The End
Fruits of Culture
Translated by Arthur Hopkins 1919
Contents
Act I
Act II
Act III
Act IV
Act I
The entrance hall of a wealthy house in Moscow. There are three doors: the front door, the door of LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH’S study, and the door of VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH’S room. A staircase leads up to the other rooms; behind it is another door leading to the servants’ quarters.
GREGORY (looks at himself in the glass and arranges his hair, etc.). I am sorry about those moustaches of mine! “Moustaches are not becoming to a footman,” she says! And why? Why, so that any one might see you’re a footman, — else my looks might put her darling son to shame. He’s a likely one! There’s not much fear of his coming anywhere near me, moustaches or no moustaches! (Smiling into the glass.) And what a lot of ’em swarm round me. And yet I don’t care for any of them as much as for that Tánya. And she only a lady’s-maid! Ah well, she’s nicer than any young lady. (Smiles.) She’s a duck! (Listening.) Ah, here she comes. (Smiles.) Yes, that’s her, clattering with her little heels. Oh!
Enter TÁNYA, carrying a cloak and boots.
GREGORY. My respects to you, Tatyána Márkovna.
TÁNYA. What are you always looking in the glass for? Do you think
