1893

A Woman of No Importance, Oscar Wilde

THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY

        LORD ILLINGWORTH
        SIR JOHN PONTEFRACT
        LORD ALFRED RUFFORD
        MR. KELVIL, M.P.
        THE VEN. ARCHDEACON DAUBENY, D.D.
        GERALD ARBUTHNOT
        FARQUHAR, Butler
        FRANCIS, Footman
        LADY HUNSTANTON
        LADY CAROLINE PONTEFRACT
        LADY STUTFIELD
        MRS. ALLONBY
        MISS HESTER WORSLEY
        ALICE, Maid
        MRS. ARBUTHNOT

THE SCENES OF THE PLAY

ACT I. The Terrace at Hunstanton Chase.
ACT II. The Drawing-room at Hunstanton Chase.
ACT III. The Picture-gallery at Hunstanton Chase.

ACT IV. Sitting-room in Mrs. Arbuthnot’s House at Wrockley.

      Time, the Present. Place, the Shires.
The Action of the Play takes place within twenty-four hours.

FIRST_ACT

 FIRST ACT

SCENE- Lawn in front of the terrace at Hunstanton.

   [Sir John and Lady Caroline Pontefract, Miss Worsley,

on chairs under large yew tree.]

LADY CAR. I believe this is the first English country house you
 have stayed at, Miss Worsley?
HES. Yes, Lady Caroline.
LADY CAR. You have no country houses, I am told, in America?
HES. We have not many.
LADY CAR. Have you any country? What we should call country?
HES. [Smiling.] We have the largest country in the world, Lady
 Caroline. They used to tell us at school that some of our states
 are as big as France and England put together.
LADY CAR. Ah! you must find it very draughty, I should fancy. [To
 Sir John.] John, you should have your muffler. What is the use
 of my always knitting mufflers for you if you won't wear them?
SIR JOHN. I am quite warm, I assure you.
LADY CAR. I think not, John. Well, you couldn't come to a more
 charming place than this, Miss Worsley, though the house is
 excessively damp, quite unpardonably damp, and dear Lady
 Hunstanton is sometimes a little lax about the people she asks
 down here. [To Sir John.] Jane mixes too much. Lord Illingworth,
 of course, is a man of high distinction. It is a privilege to
 meet him. And that member of Parliament, Mr. Kettle-
SIR JOHN. Kelvil, my love, Kelvil.
LADY CAR. He must be quite respectable. One has never heard his
 name before in the whole course of one's life, which speaks
 volumes for a man, now-a-days. But Mrs. Allonby is hardly a very
 suitable person.
HES. I dislike Mrs. Allonby. I dislike her more than I can say.
LADY CAR. I am not sure, Miss Worsley, that foreigners like
 yourself should cultivate likes or dislikes about the people

 they are invited to meet. Mrs. Allonby is very well born. She is
a niece of Lord Brancaster’s. It is said, of course. that she
ran away twice before she was married. But you know how unfair
people often are. I myself don’t believe she ran away more than
once.
HES. Mr. Arbuthnot is very charming.
LADY CAR. Ah, yes! the young man who has a post in a bank. Lady
Hunstanton is most kind in asking him here, and Lord Illingworth
seems to have taken quite a fancy to him. I am not sure, however,
that Jane is right in taking him out of his position. In my young
days, Miss Worsley, one never met anyone in society who worked
for their living. It was not considered the thing.
HES. In America those are the people we respect most.
LADY CAR. I have no doubt of it.
HES. Mr. Arbuthnot has a beautiful nature! He is so simple, so
sincere. He has one of the most beautiful natures I have ever
come across. It is a privilege to meet him.
LADY CAR. It is not customary in England, Miss Worsley, for a young
lady to speak with such enthusiasm of any person of the opposite
sex. English women conceal their feelings till after they are
married. They show them then.
HES. Do you, in England, allow no friendship to exist between a

young man and a young girl?

   [Enter Lady Hunstanton followed by Footman with shawls

and a cushion.]

LADY CAR. We think it very inadvisable. Jane, I was just saying
 what a pleasant party you have asked us to meet. You have a
 wonderful power of selection. It is quite a gift.
LADY HUN. Dear Caroline, how kind of you! I think we all do fit in
 very nicely together. And I hope our charming American visitor
 will carry back pleasant recollections of our English country
 life. [To Footman.] The cushion there, Francis. And my shawl.
 The Shetland. Get the Shetland.          [Exit Footman for shawl.]

-

[Enter Gerald Arbuthnot.]

GER. Lady Hunstanton, I have such good news to tell you. Lord
 Illingworth has just offered to make me his secretary.
LADY HUN. His secretary? That is good news indeed, Gerald. It means
 a very brilliant future in store for you. Your dear mother will
 be delighted. I really must try and induce her to come up here
 to-night. Do you think she would, Gerald? I know how difficult
 it is to get her to go anywhere.
GER. Oh! I am sure she would, Lady Hunstanton, if she knew Lord

Illingworth had made me such an offer.

[Enter Footman with shawl.]

LADY HUN. I will write and tell her about it, and ask her to come
 up and meet him. [To Footman.] Just wait, Francis. [Writes
 letter.]
LADY CAR. That is a very wonderful opening for so young a man as
 you are, Mr. Arbuthnot.
GER. It is indeed, Lady Caroline. I trust I shall be able to show
 myself worthy of it.
LADY CAR. I trust so.
GER. [To Hester.] You have not congratulated me yet, Miss Worsley.
HES. Are you very pleased about it?
GER. Of course I am. It means everything to me- things that were
 out of the reach of hope before may be within hope's reach now.
HES. Nothing should be out of reach of hope. Life is a hope.
LADY HUN. I fancy, Caroline, that Diplomacy is what Lord
 Illingworth is aiming at. I heard that he was offered Vienna.
 But that may not be true.
LADY CAR. I don't think that England should be represented abroad
 by an unmarried man, Jane. It might lead to complications.
LADY HUN. You are too nervous, Caroline. Believe me, you are too
 nervous. Besides, Lord Illingworth may marry any day. I was in

 hopes he would have married Lady Kelso. But I believe he said
her family was too large. Or was it her feet? I forget which. I
regret it very much. She was made to be an ambassador’s wife.
LADY CAR. She certainly has a wonderful faculty of remembering
people’s names, and forgetting their faces.
LADY HUN. Well, that is very natural, Caroline, is it not? [To
Footman.] Tell Henry to wait for an answer. I have written a
line to your dear mother, Gerald, to tell her your good news,
and to say she really must come to dinner. [Exit Footman.]
GER. That is awfully kind of you, Lady Hunstanton. [To Hester.]
Will you come for a stroll, Miss Worsley?
HES. With pleasure. [Exit with Gerald.]
LADY HUN. I am very much gratified at Gerald Arbuthnot’s good
fortune. He is quite a protege * of mine. And I am particularly
pleased that Lord Illingworth should have made the offer of his
own accord without my suggesting anything. Nobody likes to be
asked favours. I remember poor Charlotte Pagden making herself
quite unpopular one season, because she had a French governess

she wanted to recommend to every one.

* In DOS versions italicized text is enclosed in chevrons .

LADY CAR. I saw the governess, Jane. Lady Pagden sent her to me. It
 was before Eleanor came out. She was far too good-looking to be
 in any respectable household. I don't wonder Lady Pagden was so
 anxious to get rid of her.
LADY HUN. Ah, that explains it.
LADY CAR. John, the grass is too damp for you. You had better go
 and put on your overshoes at once.
SIR JOHN. I am quite comfortable, Caroline, I assure you.
LADY CAR. You must allow me to be the best judge of that, John.

Pray, do as I tell you.

[Sir John gets up and goes off.]

 LADY HUN. You spoil him, Caroline, you do, indeed.

[Enter Mrs. Allonby and Lady Stutfield.]

 [To Mrs. Allonby.] Well, dear, I hope you like the park. It is
 said to be well timbered.
MRS. ALL. The trees are wonderful, Lady Hunstanton.
LADY STU. Quite, quite wonderful.
MRS. ALL. But somehow, I feel sure that if I lived in the country
 for six months, I should become so unsophisticated that no one
 would take the slightest notice of me.
LADY HUN. I assure you, dear, that the country has not that effect
 at all. Why, it was from Melthorpe, which is only two miles from
 here, that Lady Belton eloped with Lord Fethersdale. I remember
 the occurrence perfectly. Poor Lord Belton died three days
 afterwards of joy or gout. I forget which. We had a large party
 staying here at the time, so we were all very much interested in
 the whole affair.
MRS. ALL. I think to elope is cowardly. It's running away from
 danger. And danger has