could possibly say
could be too bad for him. I regard Henry as infamous, absolutely
infamous. But I am bound to state, as you were remarking, Jane,
that he is excellent company, and he has one of the best cooks
in London, and after a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even
one’s own relations.
LADY HUN. [To Miss Worsley.] Now, do come, dear, and make friends
with Mrs. Arbuthnot. She is one of the good, sweet, simple
people you told us we never admitted into society. I am sorry to
say Mrs. Arbuthnot comes very rarely to me. But that is not my
fault.
MRS. ALL. What a bore it is the men staying so long after dinner! I
expect they are saying the most dreadful things about us.
LADY STU. Do you really think so?
MRS. ALL. I am sure of it.
LADY STU. How very, very horrid of them! Shall we go on to the
terrace?
MRS. ALL. Oh, anything to get away from the dowagers and the
dowdies. [Rises and goes with Lady Stutfield to door L. C.] We
are only going to look at the stars, Lady Hunstanton.
LADY HUN. You will find a great many, dear, a great many. But don’t
catch cold. [To Mrs. Arbuthnot.] We shall all miss Gerald so
much, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot.
MRS. ARB. But has Lord Illingworth really offered to make Gerald
his secretary?
LADY HUN. Oh, yes! He has been most charming about it. He has the
highest possible opinion of your boy. You don’t know Lord
Illingworth, I believe, dear.
MRS. ARB. I have never met him.
LADY HUN. You know him by name, no doubt?
MRS. ARB. I am afraid I don’t. I live so much out of the world, and
see so few people. I remember hearing years ago of an old Lord
Illingworth who lived in Yorkshire, I think.
LADY HUN. Ah, yes. That would be the last Earl but one. He was a
 very curious man. He wanted to marry beneath him. Or wouldn’t, I
believe. There was some scandal about it. The present Lord
Illingworth is quite different. He is very distinguished. He
does- well, he does nothing, which I am afraid our pretty
American visitor here thinks very wrong of anybody, and I don’t
know that he cares much for the subjects in which you are so
interested, dear Mrs, Arbuthnot. Do you think, Caroline, that
Lord Illingworth is interested in the Housing of the Poor?
LADY CAR. I should fancy not at all, Jane.
LADY HUN. We all have our different tastes, have we not? But Lord
Illingworth has a very high position, and there is nothing he
couldn’t get if he chose to ask for it. Of course, he is
comparatively a young man still, and he has only come to his
title within- how long exactly is it, Caroline, since Lord
Illingworth succeeded?
LADY CAR. About four years, I think, Jane. I know it was the same
year in which my brother had his last exposure in the evening
newspapers.
LADY HUN. Ah, I remember. That would be about four years ago. Of
course, there were a great many people between the present Lord
Illingworth and the title, Mrs. Arbuthnot. There was- who was
there, Caroline?
LADY CAR. There was poor Margaret’s baby. You remember how anxious
she was to have a boy, and it was a boy, but it died, and her
husband died shortly afterwards, and she married almost
immediately one of Lord Ascot’s sons, who, I am told, beats her.
LADY HUN. Ah, that is in the family, dear, that is in the family.
And there was also, I remember, a clergyman who wanted to be a
lunatic, or a lunatic who wanted to be a clergyman, I forget
which, but I know the Court of Chancery investigated the matter,
and decided that he was quite sane. And I saw him afterwards at
poor Lord Plumstead’s with straws in his hair, or something very
odd about him. I can’t recall what. I often regret, Lady
Caroline, that dear Lady Cecilia never lived to see her son get
the title.
 MRS. ARB. Lady Cecilia?
LADY HUN. Lord Illingworth’s mother, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot, was one
of the Duchess of Jerningham’s pretty daughters, and she married
Sir Thomas Harford, who wasn’t considered a very good match for
her at the time, though he was said to be the handsomest man in
London. I knew them all quite intimately, and both the sons,
Arthur and George.
MRS. ARB. It was the eldest son who succeeded, of course, Lady
Hunstanton?
LADY HUN. No, dear, he was killed in the hunting field. Or was it
fishing, Caroline? I forget. But George came in for everything.
I always tell him no younger son has ever had such good luck as
he has had.
MRS. ARB. Lady Hunstanton, I want to speak to Gerald at once. Might
I see him? Can he be sent for?
LADY HUN. Certainly, dear. I will send one of the servants into the
dining-room to fetch him. I don’t know what keeps the gentlemen
so long. [Rings bell.] When I knew Lord Illingworth first as
plain George Harford, he was simply a very brilliant young man
about town, with not a penny of money except what poor dear Lady
Cecilia gave him. She was quite devoted to him. Chiefly, I
fancy, because he was on bad terms with his father. Oh, here is

the dear Archdeacon. [To Servant.] It doesn’t matter.

   [Enter Sir John and Doctor Daubeny. Sir John goes over to

Lady Stutfield, Doctor Daubeny to Lady Hunstanton.]

THE ARCHD. Lord Illingworth has been most entertaining. I have
 never enjoyed myself more. [Sees Mrs. Arbuthnot.] Ah, Mrs.
 Arbuthnot.
LADY HUN. [To Doctor Daubeny.] You see I have got Mrs. Arbuthnot to
 come to me at last.
THE ARCHD. That is a great honour, Lady Hunstanton. Mrs. Daubeny
 will be quite jealous of you.
LADY HUN. Ah, I am so sorry Mrs. Daubeny could not come with you

 to-night. Headache as usual, I suppose.
THE ARCHD. Yes, Lady Hunstanton; a perfect martyr. But she is
happiest alone. She is happiest alone.
LADY CAR. [To her husband.] John! [Sir John; goes over to his wife.

Doctor Daubeny talks to Lady Hunstanton and Mrs. Arbuthnot.]

   [Mrs. Arbuthnot watches Lord Illingworth the whole time.
 He has passed across the room without noticing her, and
 approaches Mrs. Allonby, who with Lady Stutfield is standing

by the door looking on to the terrace.]

LORD ILL. How is the most charming woman in the world?
MRS. ALL. [Taking Lady Stutfield by the hand.] We are both quite
 well, thank you, Lord Illingworth. But what a short time you
 have been in the dining-room. It seems as if we had only just
 left.
LORD ILL. I was bored to death. Never opened my lips the whole
 time. Absolutely longing to come in to you.
MRS. ALL. You should have. The American girl has been giving us a
 lecture.
LORD ILL. Really? All Americans lecture, I believe. I suppose it is
 something in their climate. What did she lecture about?
MRS. ALL. Oh, Puritanism, of course.
LORD ILL. I am going to convert her, am I not? How long do you give
 me?
MRS. ALL. A week.

LORD ILL. A week is more than enough.

[Enter Gerald and Lord Alfred.]

GER. [Going to Mrs. Arbuthnot.] Dear mother!
MRS. ARB. Gerald, I don't feel at all well. See me home, Gerald. I
 shouldn't have come.
GER. I am so sorry, mother. Certainly. But you must know Lord
 Illingworth first. [Goes across room.]

MRS. ARB. Not to-night, Gerald.
GER. Lord Illingworth, I want you so much to know my mother.
LORD ILL. With the greatest pleasure. [To Mrs. Allonby.] I’ll be
back in a moment. People’s mothers always bore me to death. All
women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.
MRS. ALL. No man does. That is his.
LORD ILL. What a delightful mood you are in to-night! [Turns round
and goes across with Gerald to Mrs. Arbuthnot. When he sees her,
he starts back in wonder. Then slowly his eyes turn towards
Gerald.]
GER. Mother, this is Lord Illingworth, who has offered to take me
as his private secretary. [Mrs. Arbuthnot bows coldly.] It is a
wonderful opening for me, isn’t it? I hope he won’t be
disappointed in me, that is all. You’ll thank Lord Illingworth,
mother, won’t you?
MRS. ARB. Lord Illingworth is very good, I am sure, to interest
himself in you for the moment.
LORD ILL. [Putting his hand on Gerald’s shoulder.] Oh, Gerald and I
are great friends already, Mrs…. Arbuthnot.
MRS. ARB. There can be nothing in common between you and my son,
Lord Illingworth.
GER. Dear mother, how can you say so? Of course, Lord Illingworth
is awfully clever and that sort of thing. There is nothing Lord
Illingworth doesn’t know.
LORD ILL. My dear boy!
GER. He knows more about life than any one I have ever met. I feel
an awful duffer when I am with you, Lord Illingworth. Of course,
I have had so few advantages. I have not been to Eton or Oxford
like other chaps. But Lord Illingworth doesn’t seem to mind
that. He has been awfully good to me, mother.
MRS. ARB. Lord Illingworth may change his mind. He may not really
want you as his secretary.
GER. Mother!
MRS. ARB. You must remember, as you said yourself, you have had so
few advantages.
MRS. ALL. Lord Illingworth, I want to speak to you for a moment. Do
come over.
LORD ILL. Will you excuse me, Mrs. Arbuthnot? Now, don’t let your
charming mother make any more difficulties, Gerald. The thing is
quite settled, isn’t it?
GER. I hope so. [Lord Illingworth goes across to Mrs. Allonby.]
MRS. ALL. I thought you were never going to leave the lady in black
velvet.
LORD ILL. She is excessively handsome. [Looks at Mrs. Arbuthnot.]
LADY HUN. Caroline, shall we all make a move to the music-room?
Miss Worsley is going to play. You’ll come too, dear Mrs.
Arbuthnot, won’t you? You don’t know what a treat is in store
for you. [To Doctor Daubeny.] I must really take Miss Worsley
down some afternoon to the rectory. I should so much like dear
Mrs. Daubeny to hear on the violin. Ah, I forgot. Dear Mrs.
Daubeny’s hearing is a little defective, is it