to be on the side of the
saints, but that is as far as I get. And after all, it may be
merely the fancy of a drowning person.
LORD ILL. The only difference between the saint and the sinner is
that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
LADY HUN. Ah! that quite does for me. I haven’t a word to say. You
and I, dear Mrs. Arbuthnot, are behind the age. We can’t follow
Lord Illingworth. Too much care was taken with our education, I
am afraid. To have been well brought up is a great drawback
now-a-days. It shuts one out from so much.
MRS. ARB. I should be sorry to follow Lord Illingworth in any of
his opinions.

LADY HUN. You are quite right, dear.

   [Gerald shrugs his shoulders and looks irritably over at

his mother. Enters Lady Caroline.]

 LADY CAR. Jane, have you seen John anywhere?
LADY HUN. You needn’t be anxious about him, dear. He is with Lady
Stutfield; I saw them some time ago, in the Yellow Drawing-room.
They seem quite happy together. You are not going, Caroline?
Pray sit down.
LADY CAR. I think I had better look after John.
[Exit Lady Caroline.]
LADY HUN. It doesn’t do to pay men so much attention. And Caroline
has really nothing to be anxious about. Lady Stutfield is very
sympathetic. She is just as sympathetic about one thing as she

is about another. A beautiful nature,

[Enter Sir John and Mrs. Allonby.]

 Ah! here is Sir John! And with Mrs, Allonby too! I suppose it
 was Mrs. Allonby I saw him with. Sir John, Caroline has been
 looking everywhere for you.
MRS. ALL. We have been waiting for her in the Music-room, dear Lady
 Hunstanton.
LADY HUN. Ah! the Music-room, of course. I thought it was the
 Yellow Drawing-room, my memory is getting so defective. [To the
 Archdeacon.] Mrs. Daubeny has a wonderful memory, hasn't she?
THE ARCHD. She used to be quite remarkable for her memory, but
 since her last attack she recalls chiefly the events of her
 early childhood. But she finds great pleasure in such

retrospections, great pleasure.

[Enter Lady Stutfield and Mr. Kelvil.]

LADY HUN. Ah! dear Lady Stutfield! and what has Mr. Kelvil been
 talking to you about?
LADY STU. About Bimetallism, as well as I remember.
LADY HUN. Bimetallism! Is that quite a nice subject? However, I
 know people discuss everything very freely now-a-days. What did
 Sir John talk to you about, dear Mrs. Allonby?

 MRS. ALL. About Patagonia.
LADY HUN. Really? What a remote topic! But very improving, I have
no doubt.
MRS. ALL. He has been most interesting on the subject of Patagonia.
Savages seem to have quite the same views as cultured people on
almost all subjects. They are excessively advanced.
LADY HUN. What do they do?
MRS. ALL. Apparently everything.
LADY HUN. Well, it is very gratifying, dear Archdeacon, is it not,
to find that Human Nature is permanently one. On the whole, the
world is the same world, is it not?
LORD ILL. The world is simply divided into two classes- those who
believe the incredible, like the public- and those who do the
improbable-
MRS. ALL. Like yourself?
LORD ILL. Yes; I am always astonishing myself. It is the only thing
that makes life worth living.
LADY STU. And what have you been doing lately that astonishes you?
LORD ILL. I have been discovering all kinds of beautiful qualities
in my own nature.
MRS. ALL. Ah! don’t become quite perfect all at once. Do it
gradually!
LORD ILL. I don’t intend to grow perfect at all. At least, I hope
I sha’n’t. It would be most inconvenient. Women love us for our
defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us
everything, even our gigantic intellects.
MRS. ALL. It is premature to ask us to forgive analysis. We forgive

adoration; that is quite as much as should be expected from us.

[Enter Lord Alfred. He joins Lady Stutfield.]

LADY HUN. Ah! we women should forgive everything, shouldn't we,
  dear Mrs. Arbuthnot? I am sure you agree with me in that.
MRS. ARB. I do not, Lady Hunstanton. I think there are many things
  women should never forgive.

 LADY HUN. What sort of things?

MRS. ARB. The ruin of another woman’s life.

[Moves slowly away to back of stage.]

LADY HUN. Ah! those things are very sad, no doubt, but I believe
  there are admirable homes where people of that kind are looked
  after and reformed, and I think on the whole that the secret of
  life is to take things very, very easily.
MRS. ALL. The secret of life is never to have an emotion that is
  unbecoming.
LADY STU. The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being
  terribly, terribly deceived.
KEL. The secret of life is to resist temptation, Lady Stutfield.
LORD ILL. There is no secret of life. Life's aim, if it has one, is
  simply to be always looking for temptations. There are not
  nearly enough. I sometimes pass a whole day without coming
  across a single one, It is quite dreadful. It makes one so
  nervous about the future.
LADY HUN. [Shakes her fan at him.] I don't know how it is, dear
  Lord Illingworth, but everything you have said to-day seems to
  me excessively immoral. It has been most interesting, listening
  to you.
LORD ILL. All thought is immoral. Its very essence is destruction.
  If you think of anything, you kill it. Nothing survives being
  thought of.
LADY HUN. I don't understand a word, Lord Illingworth. But I have
  no doubt it is all quite true. Personally, I have very little to
  reproach myself with, on the score of thinking. I don't believe
  in women thinking too much. Women should think in moderation, as
  they should do all things in moderation.
LORD ILL. Moderation is a fatal thing, Lady Hunstanton. Nothing
  succeeds like excess.
LADY HUN. I hope I shall remember that. It sounds an admirable
  maxim. But I'm beginning to forget everything. It's a great

 misfortune.
LORD ILL. It is one of your most fascinating qualities, Lady
Hunstanton. No woman should have a memory. Memory in a woman is
the beginning of dowdiness. One can always tell from a woman’s
bonnet whether she has got a memory or not.
LADY HUN. How charming you are, dear Lord Illingworth. You always
find out that one’s most glaring fault is one’s most important

virtue. You have the most comforting views of life.

[Enter Farquhar.]

FARQ. Doctor Daubeny's carriage!
LADY HUN. My dear Archdeacon! It is only half-past ten.
THE ARCHD. [Rising.] I am afraid I must go, Lady Hunstanton.
 Tuesday is always one of Mrs. Daubeny's bad nights.
LADY HUN. [Rising.] Well, I won't keep you from her. [Goes with him
 towards door.] I have told Farquhar to put a brace of partridge
 into the carriage. Mrs. Daubeny may fancy them.
THE ARCHD. It is very kind of you, but Mrs. Daubeny never touches
 solids now. Lives entirely on jellies. But she is wonderfully
 cheerful, wonderfully cheerful. She has nothing to complain of.
                         [Exit with Lady Hunstanton.]
MRS. ALL. [Goes over to Lord Illingworth.] There is a beautiful
 moon to-night.
LORD ILL. Let us go and look at it. To look at anything that is
 inconstant is charming now-a-days.
MRS. ALL. You have your looking-glass.
LORD ILL. It is unkind. It merely shows me my wrinkles.
MRS. ALL. Mine is better behaved. It never tells me the truth.
LORD ILL. Then it is in love with you.
  [Exeunt Sir John, Lady Stutfield, Mr. Kelvil, and Lord Alfred.]
GER. [To Lord Illingworth.] May I come too?
LORD ILL. Do, my dear boy. [Moves towards door with Mrs. Allonby

and Gerald.]

 [Lady Caroline enters, looks rapidly round and goes out
in opposite direction to that taken by Sir John and Lady

Stutfield.]

MRS. ARB. Gerald!
GER. What, mother?
                [Exit Lord Illingworth with Mrs. Allonby.]
MRS. ARB. It is getting late. Let us go home.
GER. My dear mother. Do let us wait a little longer. Lord
 Illingworth is so delightful, and, by the way, mother, I have a
 great surprise for you. We are starting for India at the end of
 this month.
MRS. ARB. Let us go home.
GER. If you really want to, of course, mother, but I must bid
 good-bye to Lord Illingworth first. I'll be back in five
 minutes.                                   [Exit.]
MRS. ARB. Let him leave me if he chooses, but not with him- not

with him! I couldn’t bear it. [Walks up and down.]

[Enter Hester.]

HES. What a lovely night it is, Mrs. Arbuthnot.
MRS. ARB. Is it?
HES. Mrs. Arbuthnot, I wish you would let us be friends. You are so
 different from the other women here. When you came into the
 Drawing-room this evening, somehow you brought with you a sense
 of what is good and pure in life. I had been foolish. There are
 things that are right to say, but that may be said at the wrong
 time and to the wrong people.
MRS. ARB. I heard what you said. I agree with it, Miss Worsley.
HES. I didn't know you had heard it. But I knew you would agree
 with me. A woman who has sinned should be punished, shouldn't
 she?
MRS. ARB. Yes.
HES. She shouldn't be allowed to come into the society of good men

 and women?
MRS. ARB. She should not.
HES. And the man should be punished in the same way?
MRS.