to Mrs. Erlynne at No. 84A Curzon Street. [Crossing to L. C. and giving note to Parker.] There is no answer. [Exit Parker C.] LADY WIN. Arthur, if that woman comes here, I shall insult her. LORD WIN. Margaret, don’t say that. LADY WIN. I mean it. LORD WIN. Child, if you did such a thing, there’s not a woman in London who wouldn’t pity you. LADY WIN. There is not a good woman in London who would not applaud me. We have been too lax. We must make an example. I propose to begin to-night. [Picking up fan.] Yes, you gave me this fan to-day; it was your birthday present. If that woman

 crosses my threshold, I shall strike her across the face with
it.
LORD WIN. Margaret, you couldn’t do such a thing.

LADY WIN. You don’t know me! [Moves R.]

[Enter Parker.]

 Parker!
PAR. Yes, my lady.
LADY WIN. I shall dine in my own room. I don't want any dinner, in
 fact. See that everything is ready by half-past ten. And,
 Parker, be sure you pronounce the names of the guests very
 distinctly to-night. Sometimes you speak so fast that I miss
 them. I am particularly anxious to hear the names quite clearly,
 so as to make no mistake. You understand, Parker?
PAR. Yes, my lady.
LADY WIN. That will do!                    [Exit Parker C.]
 [Speaking to Lord Windermere.] Arthur, if that woman comes here-
 I warn you-
LORD WIN. Margaret, you will ruin us!
LADY WIN. Us! From this moment my life is separate from yours. But
 if you wish to avoid a public scandal, write at once to this
 woman, and tell her that I forbid her to come here!
LORD WIN. I will not- I cannot- she must come!
LADY WIN. Then I shall do exactly as I have said. [Goes R.] You
 leave me no choice.                          [Exit R.]
LORD WIN. [Calling after her.] Margaret! Margaret! [A pause.] My
 God! What shall I do? I dare not tell her who this woman really
 is. The shame would kill her. [Sinks down into a chair and

buries his face in his hands.]

                     ACT-DROP

SECOND_ACT
SECOND ACT
-
SCENE- Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house.
Door R. U. opening into ball-room, where band is playing.
Door L. through which guests are entering. Door L. U. opens
on an illuminated terrace. Palms, flowers, and brilliant
lights. Room crowded with guests. Lady Windermere is

receiving them.

DUCH. [Up C.] So strange Lord Windermere isn't here. Mr. Hopper is
 very late, too. You have kept those five dances for him, Agatha?
 [Comes down.]
LADY AGA. Yes, mama.
DUCH. [Sitting on sofa.] Just let me see your card. I'm so glad
 Lady Windermere has revived cards. They're a mother's only
 safeguard. You dear simple little thing! [Scratches out two
 names.] No nice girl should ever waltz with such particularly
 younger sons! It looks so fast! The last two dances you must

pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

[Enter Mr. Dumby and Lady Plymdale from the ball-room.]

LADY AGA. Yes, mama.
DUCH. [Fanning herself.] The air is so pleasant there.
PAR. Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield. Sir James Royston. Mr. Guy

Berkeley.

[These people enter as announced.]

DUM. Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I suppose this will be the last
 ball of the season?
LADY STU. I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It's been a delightful season,
 hasn't it?
DUM. Quite delightful! Good evening, Duchess. I suppose this will
 be the last ball of the season?
DUCH. I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It has been a very dull season,

 hasn’t it?
DUM. Dreadfully dull! Dreadfully dull!
MRS. COW. Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I suppose this will be the last
ball of the season?
DUM. Oh, I think not. There’ll probably be two more. [Wanders back
to Lady Plymdale.]

PAR. Mr. Rufford. Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.

[These people enter as announced.]

HOP. How do you do, Lady Windermere? How do you do, Duchess? [Bows
 to Lady Agatha.]
DUCH. Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to come so early. We all
 know how you are run after in London.
HOP. Capital place, London! They are not nearly so exclusive in
 London as they are in Sydney.
DUCH. Ah, we know your value, Mr. Hopper. We wish there were more
 like you. It would make life so much easier. Do you know, Mr.
 Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in Australia.
 It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos flying
 about. Agatha has found it on the map. What a curious shape it
 is! Just like a large packing case. However, it is a very young
 country, isn't it?
HOP. Wasn't it made at the same time as the others, Duchess?
DUCH. How clever you are, Mr. Hopper. You have a cleverness quite
 of your own. Now I mustn't keep you.
HOP. But I should like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.
DUCH. Well, I hope she has a dance left. Have you got a dance left
 Agatha?
LADY AGA. Yes, mama.
DUCH. The next one?
LADY AGA. Yes, mama.
HOP. May I have the pleasure? [Lady Agatha bows.]

DUCH. Mind you take great care of my little chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.

 [Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper pass into ball-room.]

[Enter Lord Windermere L.]

LORD WIN. Margaret, I want to speak to you.
LADY WIN. In a moment. [The music stops.]

PAR. Lord Augustus Lorton.

[Enter Lord Augustus.]

LORD AUG. Good evening, Lady Windermere.
DUCH. Sir James, will you take me into the ball-room? Augustus has
 been dining with us to-night. I really have had quite enough of

dear Augustus for the moment.

   [Sir James Royston gives the Duchess his arm and escorts

her into the ball-room.]

PAR. Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord and Lady Paisley. Lord

Darlington.

[These people enter as announced.]

LORD AUG. [Coming up to Lord Windermere.] Want to speak to you
 particularly, dear boy. I'm worn to a shadow. Know I don't look
 it. None of us men do look what we really are. Demmed good
 thing, too. What I want to know is this. Who is she? Where does
 she come from? Why hasn't she got any demmed relations? Demmed
 nuisance, relations! But they make one so demmed respectable.
LORD WIN. You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I suppose? I only met
 her six months ago. Till then I never knew of her existence.
LORD AUG. You have seen a good deal of her since then.
LORD WIN. [Coldly.] Yes, I have seen a good deal of her since then.
 I have just seen her.
LORD AUG. Egad! the women are very down on her. I have been dining
 with Arabella this evening! By Jove! you should have heard what

 she said about Mrs. Erlynne. She didn’t leave a rag on her….
[Aside.] Berwick and I told her that didn’t matter much, as the
lady in question must have an extremely fine figure. You should
have seen Arabella’s expression!… But, look here, dear boy. I
don’t know what to do about Mrs. Erlynne. Egad! I might be
married to her; she treats me with such demmed indifference.
She’s deuced clever, too! She explains everything. Egad! She
explains you. She has got any amount of explanations for you-
and all of them different.
LORD WIN. No explanations are necessary about my friendship with
Mrs. Erlynne.
LORD AUG. Hem! Well, look here, dear old fellow. Do you think she
will ever get into this demmed thing called Society? Would you
introduce her to your wife? No use beating about the confounded
bush. Would you do that?
LORD WIN. Mrs. Erlynne is coming here to-night.
LORD AUG. Your wife has sent her a card?
LORD WIN. Mrs. Erlynne has received a card.
LORD AUG. Then she’s all right, dear boy. But why didn’t you tell
me that before? It would have saved me a heap of worry and

demmed misunderstandings.

   [Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper cross and exit on terrace

L. U. E.]

PAR. Mr. Cecil Graham!

[Enter Mr. Cecil Graham.]

CEC. [Bows to Lady Windermere, passes over and shakes hands with
 Lord Windermere.] Good evening, Arthur. Why don't you ask me how
 I am? I like people to ask me how I am. It shows a wide-spread
 interest in my health. Now to-night I am not at all well. Been
 dining with my people. Wonder why it is one's people are always
 so tedious? My father would talk morality after dinner. I told

 him he was old enough to know better. But my experience is that
as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don’t know
anything at all. Hullo, Tuppy! Hear you are going to be married
again; thought you were tired of that game.
LORD AUG. You’re excessively trivial, my dear boy, excessively
trivial!
CEC. By the way, Tuppy, which is it? Have you been twice married
and once divorced, or twice divorced and once married? I say,
you’ve been twice divorced and once married. It seems so much
more probable.
LORD AUG. I have a very bad memory. I really don’t remember which.
[Moves away R.]
LADY PLY. Lord Windermere, I’ve something most particular to ask
you.
LORD WIN. I am afraid- if you will excuse me- I must join my wife.
LADY PLY. Oh, you mustn’t dream of such a thing. It’s most
dangerous now-a-days for a husband to pay any attention to his
wife in public. It always makes people think that he beats her
when they’re alone. The