almost to himself. Each says, and all only half listen, their faces rosy fire.
KELLY
—worked in the pusstoffice selling stamps of all denominations . . . have you ever looked at stamps, man, close? A regular gallery of art in one hour’s arrivals of mail from far countries . . .
The men, drinking, look around, notice the sign, THINK, as the talk continues, pay no attention, and go on with their blarney.
THE OLD MAN —in the semicircular canals I heard once on the Radio Aerrean is this liquid which dances about … if you can tilt a man so his semicircular canals are off center, he’ll get seasick, and—
KELLY
They had a fine stamp once from Portugal, and a girl on it naked as the palm of my hand and twice as Umber . . .
The talk begins to die away during all the above and on through the next speeches. One by one, the men drop out of conversation.
THE OLD MAN
Then I said to him, about fighting … I don’t remember what I said . . . hold on …
CASEY
My wife has six fingers on each hand and all claws. She
Well, that about describes . . . my . . . wife . . .
TIMULTY {trailing off)
Well, the bog business ain’t what it was. I’ve said my say, I guess . . .
KELLY (fading away) Then there was a stamp from … oh … but why bother . . .
O’HARA (after a pause) Women are mean. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
THE OLD MAN Well, now . . .
TIMULTY Yes, sir …
KELLY Drink . . .
They are all suddenly uneasy and shy.
CASEY Six fingers and claws . . .
They all look at their glasses.
FINN Drink up, boys!
THE OLD MAN clears his throat, O’HARA blows his nose. They all watch him do this, for lack of anything else to do.
TlMULTY
Old Man, tell us that joke about Nolan on the bridge.
THE OLD MAN I can’t remember.
O’HARA clears his throat. The men shuffle their feet. The men peer around at each other.
O’HARA
How about some more cards?
THE OLD MAN We was all losing.
TlMULTY
That’s hard to do, but we did it. A nother silence.
KELLY Well?
CASEY Well, indeed.
They move about uneasily. They peer at each other, glance at the sign, but say nothing.
THE OLD MAN (in a spooky voice) Hold on.
They all turn to look at him.
Listen.
They listen.
What do you hear?
CASEY
Nothing.
THE OLD MAN
That’s it. Do you realize that this very moment and hour is the first time in thirty years there has been silence in Heeber Finn’s pub?
FINN Aw, now—
CASEY (gasps) He’s right!
KELLY By God, he is!
Everyone is spooked now. The men look around.
THE OLD MAN
A lull is a strange thing to an Irishman.
KELLY (awed—sotto voce) You can feel the damn thing, like a calm at sea.
They all jeel it, together, FINN is upset, but does not speak.
THE OLD MAN (whispering) Strange . . .
CASEY Say something, Kelly.
KELLY (blinks) What, for instance?
O’HARA (whispering) Ah, for God’s sake, man, “what for instance,” what? he says!
KELLY You say something, Timulty.
He checks his watch.
TIMULTY I got to get home.
THE OLD MAN {astounded) Home!
Timulty walks, dazed, to the door.
TIMULTY I think so, anyway . . .
He wanders out. All look stunned at the doors as they swing shut.
FINN (falsely hearty) Here’s another belt for everyone.
No answer. No enthusiasm.
KELLY
See you later . . .
FINN Later?
And KELLY is gone, too.
O’HARA I think I’ll play solitaire . . .
He lays out the cards.
Ah, damn! I can see I’ve lost before I begin … So long, boys . . .
He leaves the cards and goes.
CASEY
For all I said of the little woman, she’s mine and not well . . . I’d best go see how she does . . .
The rest follow, wordless, leaving only THE OLD MAN and FINN at the bar. FINN comes out from behind the bar in shock, almost staggering with the blow of this great unnamed event.
FINN What happened?
THE OLD MAN {puffs his pipe thoughtfully) A strange thing, for sure.
FINN
Everybody was so happy, everybody talking, everybody bustling about like always and then, as if the Red Death Hisself had walked in all bones at the strike of twelve . . . hush … I never heard the likes in my life! Old Man . . .
THE OLD MAN Hush up a bit, yourself.
THE OLD MAN walks about the pub, sniffing, probing, squinting.
He glances now and then at the signs behind the bar and at last stops, looking at one of the signs, THE OLD MAN goes behind the bar and reaches up to handle the one sign.
FINN Don’t!
THE OLD MAN Why not?
FINN I hate to see something shallow touching something deep, is all!
THE OLD MAN
Don’t be so sure about your shallows and deeps, Heeber Finn! Have you stopped to think—this may be the cause?
FINN The cause?
THE OLD MAN
Of the lull, man! Of the damn peace and quiet which suddenly befell this place? Of the becalming of this ship of yours!
FINN
“Think” did that? THINK?
THE OLD MAN
Think, Think, Think! Didn’t you see their faces? I saw mine in the mirror, I watched it fall! I was talking along, fourteen to the dozen, when my eye spied that sign and my tongue went slower and I looked again and my lips tightened up on me and I read the THINK! again and the mud settled on the bottom of my brain! First thing I knew, I was “mum’s the word,” and so were the rest! I could see it come over them, they broke out in pale sweats! They been talking all their lives, man, and what did you do to them now?
FINN I didn’t do anything!
THE OLD MAN
Yes, you did; you asked them to think, think, think, what they was saying! That’s more than enough to break a man’s leg, his arm, his neck and then his back. Crippled them, you did. Called attention to their tongues and mouths. First time they had ever noticed they had tongues! First time they noticed they was actors, and they got stage fright! Think did it, man, think and nothing but think!
FINN (lets out a loud cry of anguish) Ahhhh . . .
THE OLD MAN
Well may you groan. It’s a sad day. Driving off old friends and pals. Scaring the wits out of them by showing them the marionette strings in their fingers and lips! How could you be so cruel, Finn?
THE OLD MAN goes to the door.
{Shaken) I ask myself . . . how? How?
He exits, FINN is alone. He groans again and bites his knuckles, pacing the room.
FINN
Finn, you idiot, Finn, you blathering fool! Thirty years you work to build a clientele and in one short day lop the heads and shoot the works. Lost! Finished! Done! Finn, what do you do now? Ahhh. . . .
He groans. His WIFE comes in from the street, looks at him, looks around, moves across the pub, stops, glances over at the last sign, walks closer, peers.
His WIFE I can hardly believe my eyes.
FINN (destroyed) Ah, Woman, leave me alone.
His WIFE (peers)
Does it say what I think it says, does it mean what it says? (Spells) D-O. . . . DO?
FINN Leave off!
His WIFE (turning)
Why, Finn, it shows you’re taking an interest. DO! That does mean ACT, and ACT means work, W-O-R-K . . . does it not?
FINN (punished but repentent) It does. (Shakes head once)
His WIFE Then you’ll fix the roof today?
FINN (bleakly) I’ll get the tools now!
His WIFE And mend the front step?
FINN (sinking fast) It’s good as mended!
His WIFE And put a new pane of glass in our bedroom window?
FINN (half under) New glass, yes!
His WIFE And lay new cobblestone on the path behind?
FINN (sunk)
Cobblestones, glass, roof, steps, anything, everything, drive me, sweat me, kill me with work. I deserve it. I’ve sinned, I want to do penance! Make a list, Woman. Shall I paint the chairs, wax the bar? Sew buttons on my own shirts! I will, I will, I will!
His WIFE (suddenly afraid) Ah, God, it’s all some joke!
FINN I mean it! I’ll chop turf!
His WIFE You’re not ill?
FINN That all depends how you make illness out to be!
She brings him the tool kit from behind the bar.
His WIFE
Start with the steps, that’s a love. Ah, Finn, you are a sweet man, when you want to be.
FINN (forlorn, unmoving) Sweet I am and glad you think so.
She kisses him lightly on the cheek and passes toward the back of the house.
THE WIFE (melodically) Wait for the roof till tomorrow, if you want!
She exits.
FINN (going mad)
Roof . . . tomorrow . . . want! Ah, ha, Finn, ah ha! Ah, ha! There you go!
He throws the hammer through the door.
And there and there!
He throws all the tools, one by one, then the box.
Ah, Finn, there, ah ha, Finn! Look! See how it goes!
He whirls about.
What else? What, nothing? Nothing to throw, save me. And I’m too weak to fling myself out on the stones. Ah, Finn, Finn!
He almost weeps or maybe does, it is hard to tell with the groaning. Then he sees the remaining signs. He runs and grabs them.
All right for you, THINK, all right for you, DO! Here’s the end, the smashing end of you! You’ll make fine music on the cobbles! One, two—
He is about to throw them when the double doors open and THE SALESMAN peers in.
THE SALESMAN Ah, there, Mr. Finn, sir.
FINN Fiend of hell, get out of the way!
THE SALESMAN Mr. Finn . . . you sound upset, sir.
FINN hefts the clay mottoes but does not throw them.
FINN
Upset! Since you left this noon, it has been one plague of locusts on another!
THE SALESMAN