“The problem’d still be here when we come back. No, the only solution is to live our life the way we used to an hour before we found out what was going on with the microphone.”
“I don’t remember. It was such a nice little routine. I don’t remember how it was, the details, I mean. We’ve been married ten years now and one night’s just like another, very pleasant, of course. I come home, we have supper, we read or listen to the radio, no television, and go to bed.”
“Sounds rather drab when you say it like that.”
“Has it been for you?” he asked suddenly.
She took his arm. “Not really. I’d like to get out more, occasionally.”
“We’ll see what we can do about that. Right now, we’ll plan on talking straight out about everything, when we get back to the house, politically, socially, morally. We’ve nothing to hide. I was a Boy Scout when I was a kid, you were a Camp Fire Girl; that’s not very subversive, it’s as simple as that. Speak up. Here’s the theater.”
They parked and went into the show.
ABOUT MIDNIGHT THEY DROVE into the driveway of their house and sat for a moment looking at the great empty stage waiting for them. At last he stirred and said, “Well, let’s go in and say hello to the cricket.”
They garaged the car and walked around to the front door, arm in arm. They opened the front door and the feel of the atmosphere rushing out upon them was a listening atmosphere. It was like walking into an auditorium of one thousand invisible people, all holding their breath.
“Here we are!” said the husband loudly.
“Yes, that was a wonderful show, wasn’t it?” said his wife.
It had been a pitiable movie.
“I liked the music especially!”
They had found the music banal and repetitive.
“Yes, isn’t that girl a terrific dancer!”
They smiled at the walls. The girl had been a rather clubfooted thirteen-year-old with an immensely low IQ.
“Darling!” he said. “Let’s go to San Diego Sunday, for just the afternoon.”
“What? And give up your fishing with your pals? You always go fishing with your pals,” she cried.
“I won’t go fishing with them this time. I love only you!” he said, and thought, miserably, We sound like Gallagher and Sheen warming up a cold house.
They bustled about the house, emptying ashtrays, getting ready for bed, opening closets, slamming doors. He sang a few bars from the tired musical they had seen in a lilting off-key baritone, she joining in.
In bed, with the lights out, she snuggled over against him, her hand on his arm, and they kissed a few times. Then they kissed a few more times. “This is more like it,” he said. He gave her a rather long kiss. They snuggled even closer and he ran his hand along her back. Suddenly her spine stiffened.
Jesus, he thought, what’s wrong now.
She pressed her mouth to his ear.
“What if,” she whispered, “what if the cricket’s in our bedroom, here?”
“They wouldn’t dare!” he cried.
“Shh!” she said.
“They wouldn’t dare,” he whispered angrily. “Of all the nerve!”
She was moving away from him. He tried to hold her, but she moved firmly away and turned her back. “It would be just like them,” he heard her whisper. And there he was, stranded on the white cold beach with the tide going out.
Cricket, he thought, I’ll never forgive you for this.
The next day being Tuesday, he rushed off to the studio, had a busy day, and returned, on time, flinging open the front door with a cheery “Hey there, lovely!”
When his wife appeared, he kissed her solidly, patted her rump, ran an appreciative hand up and down her body, kissed her again, and handed her a huge green parcel of pink carnations.
“For me?” she said.
“You!” he replied.
“Is it our anniversary?”
“Nonsense, no. I just got them because, that’s all, because.”
“Why, how nice.” Tears came to her eyes. “You haven’t brought me flowers for months and months.”
“Haven’t I? I guess I haven’t!”
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you,” he said, and kissed her again. They went, holding hands, into the living room.
“You’re early,” she said. “You usually stop off for a quick one with the boys.”
“To hell with the boys. You know where we’re going Saturday, darling? Instead of my sleeping in the backyard on the lounge, we’re going to that fashion show you wanted me to go see.”
“I thought you hated—”
“Anything you want, peaches,” he said. “I told the boys I won’t make it Sunday for the fishing trip. They thought I was crazy. What’s for supper?”
He stalked smiling to the kitchen, where he appreciatively ladled and spooned and stirred things, smelling, gasping, tasting everything, “Shepherd’s pie!” he cried, opening the oven and peering in, gloriously, “My God! My favorite dish. It’s been since last June we had that!”
“I thought you’d like it!”
He ate with relish, he told jokes, they ate by candlelight, the pink carnations filled the immediate vicinity with a cinnamon scent, the food was splendid, and, topping it off, there was black-bottom pie fresh from the refrigerator.
“Black-bottom pie! It takes hours and genius to make a really good black-bottom pie.”
“I’m glad you like it, dear.”
After dinner he helped her with the dishes. Then they sat on the living-room floor and played a number of favorite symphonies together, they even waltzed a bit to the Rosenkavalier pieces. He kissed her at the end of the dance and whispered in her ear, patting her behind, “Tonight, so help me God, cricket or no cricket.”
The music started over. They swayed together.
“Have you found it yet?” he whispered.
“I think so. It’s near the fireplace and the window.”
They walked over to the fireplace. The music was very loud as he bent and shifted a drape, and there it was, a beady black little eye, not much bigger than a thumbnail. They both stared at it and backed away. He went and opened a bottle of champagne and they had a nice drink.
The music was loud in their heads, in their bones, in the walls of the house. He danced with his mouth up close to her ear.
“What did you find out?” she asked.
“The studio said to sit tight. Those damn fools are after everyone. They’ll be tapping the zoo telephone next.”
“Everything’s all right?”
“Just sit tight, the studio said. Don’t break any equipment, they said. You can be sued for breaking government property.”
They went to bed early, smiling at each other.
On Wednesday night he brought roses and kissed her a full minute at the front door. They called up some brilliant and witty friends and had them over for an evening’s discussion, having decided, in going over their phone list, that these two friends would stun the cricket with their repertoire and make the very air shimmer with their brilliance. On Thursday afternoon he called her from the studio for the first time in months, and on Thursday night he brought her an orchid, some more roses, a scarf he had seen in a shop window at lunchtime, and two tickets for a fine play.
She in turn had baked him a chocolate cake from his mother’s recipe, on Wednesday, and on Thursday had made Toll House cookies and lemon chiffon pie, as well as darning his socks and pressing his pants and sending everything to the cleaners that had been neglected previous times. They rambled about the town Thursday night after the play, came home late, read Euripides to one another out loud, went to bed late, smiling again, and got up late, having to call the studio and claim sickness until noon, when the husband, tiredly, on the way out of the house, thought to himself, This can’t go on. He turned and came back in. He walked over to the cricket near the fireplace and bent down to it and said:
“Testing, one, two, three. Testing. Can you hear me? Testing.”
“What’re you doing?” cried his wife in the doorway.
“Calling all cars, calling all cars,” said the husband, lines under his eyes, face pale. “This is me speaking. We know you’re there, friends. Go away. Go away. Take your microphone and get out. You won’t hear anything from us. That is all. That is all. Give my regards to J. Edgar. Signing off.”
His wife was standing with a white and aghast look in the door as he marched by her, nodding, and thumped out the door.
She phoned him at three o’clock.
“Darling,” she said, “it’s gone!”
“The cricket?”
“Yes, they came and took it away. A man rapped very politely at the door and I let him in and in a minute he had unscrewed the cricket and taken it with him. He just walked off and didn’t say boo.”
“Thank God,” said the husband. “Oh, thank God.”
“He tipped his hat at me and said thanks.”
“Awfully decent of him. See you later,” said the husband.
This was Friday. He came home that night about six-thirty, having stopped off to have a quick one with the boys. He came in the front door, reading his newspaper, passed his wife, taking off his coat and automatically putting it in the closet, went on past the kitchen without twitching his nose, sat in the living room and read the sports page until supper, when she served him plain roast beef and string beans, with apple juice to start and sliced oranges for dessert. On his way home he had turned in the theater tickets for tonight and tomorrow, he informed her; she could go with the girls to the
