FIRST ALCALDE: These are the Governor’s orders. As a sign of penitence regarding the calamity that has befallen us and for the prevention of contagion, all public gatherings and entertainments are forbidden from now on. Also …
[A WOMAN in the crowd starts screaming.]
THE WOMAN: There! Look there! Those people are hiding a corpse. It shouldn’t be allowed. We’ll all catch the infection. Why don’t they go and bury it?
[General confusion. Two men step forward and lead away the WOMAN.]
THE ALCALDE: I am instructed also to let you know that the Governor has taken the best medical advice and is now in a position to reassure our townsfolk as to the probable course of this epidemic that has broken out so unexpectedly. The doctors agree that all that is needed is for a sea wind to rise, and it will sweep away the plague. So, with God’s help …
[Two tremendous thuds cut him short, followed a moment later by two more; meanwhile the death knell tolls incessantly and a sound of prayers issues from the church. Then all sounds cease abruptly, and in a startled hush, all eyes turn toward two approaching figures, strangers to the town, a man and a woman. The MAN is fat, bare-headed, and wears a sort of uniform on which hangs a medal. The WOMAN, too, is in uniform, with white cuffs and collar. She is carrying a notebook. They walk forward to the palace and salute the GOVERNOR.]
GOVERNOR: What do you want of me, strangers?
THE MAN [in a courteous tone]: Your post.
VOICES: What’s that? What did he say?
GOVERNOR: This pleasantry is ill-timed, my man, and your impertinence may cost you dear.… But probably we misunderstood your words. Who are you?
THE MAN: Ah, that you’d never guess!
FIRST ALCALDE: I don’t know who you are, stranger, but I do know where you will end up.
THE MAN [quite calmly]: You fill me with alarm.… [Turns to his companion.] What do you think, my dear? Must we really tell them who I am?
THE SECRETARY: Well, as a rule we break it to them more gradually, of course.
THE MAN: Still these gentlemen seem in a great hurry to know.
THE SECRETARY: No doubt they have their reasons. After all, we are visitors here and it’s up to us to conform to the customs of the country.
THE MAN: Very true. But mightn’t it trouble the minds of these good people, if we declare ourselves?
THE SECRETARY: Better a little trouble than a discourteous act.
THE MAN: Neatly put. Still, I must say I feel scruples.…
THE SECRETARY: You have the choice of two alternatives.
THE MAN: I’m listening.
THE SECRETARY: Either you speak out, or you don’t. If you do so, they will know at once. If you don’t, they will find out later.
THE MAN: Nothing could be clearer.
THE GOVERNOR: That’s enough of it! However, before proceeding to extreme measures, I call on you, for the last time, to tell me who you are and what you want.
THE MAN [still in a matter-of-fact voice]: I am … the Plague—if you really must know.
THE GOVERNOR: What’s that you said? The Plague?
THE MAN: Yes, and I must ask you to hand over your post to me. I hate having to rush you like this, please take my word for it; but I shall have a lot to do here. Suppose I give you two hours to transfer your functions to me? Do you think that would be enough?
THE GOVERNOR: This time you have gone too far, and you will be punished for this outrageous conduct. Officers of the Watch!
THE MAN: Wait! I should dislike having to use coercion. Indeed it’s a principle with me always to behave in a gentlemanly way. I quite understand that my conduct may surprise you and of course you don’t know me—yet. But, quite sincerely, I hope you will transfer your functions to me without forcing me to show of what I am capable. Can’t you take my word for it?
THE GOVERNOR: I have no time to waste, and this tomfoolery has lasted long enough. Arrest that man!
THE MAN: I suppose there’s no alternative. Still I must say it goes against the grain. My dear, would you proceed to an elimination?
[He points to an OFFICER of the Watch. The SECRETARY briskly crosses out an entry on her notebook. A dull thud. The OFFICER of the Watch falls. The SECRETARY scrutinizes him.]
THE SECRETARY: All correct, Your Honor. The three marks are there. [To the others, amiably] One mark, and you’re under suspicion. Two, and you’re infected. Three, and the elimination takes effect. Nothing could be simpler.
THE MAN: Ah, I was forgetting to introduce my secretary to you. As a matter of fact, you know her, though perhaps her sex misleads you. And of course one meets so many people, doesn’t one …?
THE SECRETARY: Oh, I wouldn’t blame them for that; they always recognize me in the end.
THE MAN: A sunny temperament, as you see. Always smiling, punctual, trim, and tidy.
THE SECRETARY: That’s nothing to my credit. The work’s so much easier when one’s surrounded by fresh flowers and smiles.
THE MAN: How true! But let’s return to our immediate business. [To the GOVERNOR] Have I made it sufficiently clear that you’d do well to take me seriously? You don’t reply? Well, I can understand your feelings; I startled you just now. But I can assure you it was most distasteful, having to take that line. I’d have much preferred a friendly arrangement, based on comprehension on both sides and guaranteed by your word and mine—a gentleman’s agreement, as they call it. Indeed even now it’s not too late for that. Would two hours suffice for the formalities of handing over? [The GOVERNOR shakes his head. The MAN turns to his SECRETARY.] How tiresome all this is!
THE SECRETARY [tossing her head]: Yes, obviously he’s one of those obstinate men. What a nuisance!
THE MAN [to the GOVERNOR]: Still, I particularly want to get your consent. In fact it would run counter to my principles if I took any steps before securing your approval. My charming secretary will proceed to make as many eliminations as are needed to persuade you to co-operate—of your own free will, of course—in the small reforms I have in mind.… Are you ready, my dear?
THE SECRETARY: My pencil’s blunt. Just give me time to sharpen it and all will be for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
THE MAN [sighing]: How I’d loathe my job, if it wasn’t for your cheerfulness!
THE SECRETARY [sharpening her pencil]: The perfect secretary is sure that everything can always be put right; that there’s no muddle in the accounts that can’t be straightened up in time, and no missed appointment that can’t be made again. No cloud but has a silver lining, as they say. Even war has its advantages and even cemeteries can turn out to be paying propositions if the grants in perpetuity are canceled every ten years or so.
THE MAN: How right you are! Well? Is your pencil sharp enough?
SECRETARY: Yes. Now we can set to work.
THE MAN: Fire away, then!
[He points to NADA, who has just come forward; NADA lets out a drunken guffaw.]
THE SECRETARY: Might I point out, sir, that this fellow is the sort that doesn’t believe in anything, in other words the sort of man who can be very useful to us?
THE MAN: Very true. In that case let’s choose one of the Alcaldes.
THE GOVERNER: Stop! [Panic among the ALCALDES.]
THE SECRETARY: Ah! A good sign, Your Honor!
THE MAN [courteously]: Can I do anything to oblige you, Governor?
THE GOVERNOR: Suppose I let you take my place, will the lives of my family and the Alcaldes be spared?
THE MAN: Why, of course. That, as you should know, is customary.
[The GOVERNOR confers with the ALCALDES, then turns to the populace.]
THE GOVERNOR: Citizens of Cadiz, I feel sure you understand that a great change has come into our civic life. In your own interests it may be best that I should entrust the city to this new authority that has sprung up in our midst. Indeed I have no doubt that by coming to an arrangement with this gentleman I shall be sparing you the worst; and, moreover, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that a government exists outside your walls which may be of service to you in the future. Need I tell you that, in speaking thus, I am not thinking of my personal safety, but …
THE MAN: Excuse my interrupting. But I should be grateful if you would make a public declaration that you are entering into this excellent arrangement of your own free will, and that there is no question of any sort of compulsion.
[The GOVERNOR looks at the MAN; the SECRETARY raises her pencil to her lips.]
THE GOVERNOR [obviously flustered]: Yes, yes, that’s understood, of course. I am making this agreement of my own free will. [Edges away, then frankly takes to his heels. A general move begins.]
THE MAN [to the FIRST ALCALDE]: Be good enough to stay. I need someone who has the confidence of the citizens and will act as my mouthpiece for making known my wishes. [The FIRST ALCALDE hesitates.] You agree, I take it? [To the SECRETARY] My dear …
FIRST ALCALDE: But of course I agree, and I feel it a great honor.…
THE MAN: Excellent. Now that’s settled, will you be kind enough, my dear, to make known to the Alcalde the rules and regulations he is to promulgate to these good people, so that they may start living under state control.
THE SECRETARY: Regulation Number One, drawn up and promulgated by
