THE MAN: Very true. But mightn’t it trouble the minds of these good people, if we declare ourselves?
THE SECRETARY: Better a little trouble than a discourteous act.
THE MAN: Neatly put. Still, I must say I feel scruples.…
THE SECRETARY: You have the choice of two alternatives.
THE MAN: I’m listening.
THE SECRETARY: Either you speak out, or you don’t. If you do so, they will know at once. If you don’t, they will find out later.
THE MAN: Nothing could be clearer.
THE GOVERNOR: That’s enough of it! However, before proceeding to extreme measures, I call on you, for the last time, to tell me who you are and what you want.
THE MAN [still in a matter-of-fact voice]: I am … the Plague—if you really must know.
THE GOVERNOR: What’s that you said? The Plague?
THE MAN: Yes, and I must ask you to hand over your post to me. I hate having to rush you like this, please take my word for it; but I shall have a lot to do here. Suppose I give you two hours to transfer your functions to me? Do you think that would be enough?
THE GOVERNOR: This time you have gone too far, and you will be punished for this outrageous conduct. Officers of the Watch!
THE MAN: Wait! I should dislike having to use coercion. Indeed it’s a principle with me always to behave in a gentlemanly way. I quite understand that my conduct may surprise you and of course you don’t know me—yet. But, quite sincerely, I hope you will transfer your functions to me without forcing me to show of what I am capable. Can’t you take my word for it?
THE GOVERNOR: I have no time to waste, and this tomfoolery has lasted long enough. Arrest that man!
THE MAN: I suppose there’s no alternative. Still I must say it goes against the grain. My dear, would you proceed to an elimination?
[He points to an OFFICER of the Watch. The SECRETARY briskly crosses out an entry on her notebook. A dull thud. The OFFICER of the Watch falls. The SECRETARY scrutinizes him.]
THE SECRETARY: All correct, Your Honor. The three marks are there. [To the others, amiably] One mark, and you’re under suspicion. Two, and you’re infected. Three, and the elimination takes effect. Nothing could be simpler.
THE MAN: Ah, I was forgetting to introduce my secretary to you. As a matter of fact, you know her, though perhaps her sex misleads you. And of course one meets so many people, doesn’t one …?
THE SECRETARY: Oh, I wouldn’t blame them for that; they always recognize me in the end.
THE MAN: A sunny temperament, as you see. Always smiling, punctual, trim, and tidy.
THE SECRETARY: That’s nothing to my credit. The work’s so much easier when one’s surrounded by fresh flowers and smiles.
THE MAN: How true! But let’s return to our immediate business. [To the GOVERNOR] Have I made it sufficiently clear that you’d do well to take me seriously? You don’t reply? Well, I can understand your feelings; I startled you just now. But I can assure you it was most distasteful, having to take that line. I’d have much preferred a friendly arrangement, based on comprehension on both sides and guaranteed by your word and mine—a gentleman’s agreement, as they call it. Indeed even now it’s not too late for that. Would two hours suffice for the formalities of handing over? [The GOVERNOR shakes his head. The MAN turns to his SECRETARY.] How tiresome all this is!
THE SECRETARY [tossing her head]: Yes, obviously he’s one of those obstinate men. What a nuisance!
THE MAN [to the GOVERNOR]: Still, I particularly want to get your consent. In fact it would run counter to my principles if I took any steps before securing your approval. My charming secretary will proceed to make as many eliminations as are needed to persuade you to co-operate—of your own free will, of course—in the small reforms I have in mind.… Are you ready, my dear?
THE SECRETARY: My pencil’s blunt. Just give me time to sharpen it and all will be for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
THE MAN [sighing]: How I’d loathe my job, if it wasn’t for your cheerfulness!
THE SECRETARY [sharpening her pencil]: The perfect secretary is sure that everything can always be put right; that there’s no muddle in the accounts that can’t be straightened up in time, and no missed appointment that can’t be made again. No cloud but has a silver lining, as they say. Even war has its advantages and even cemeteries can turn out to be paying propositions if the grants in perpetuity are canceled every ten years or so.
THE MAN: How right you are! Well? Is your pencil sharp enough?
SECRETARY: Yes. Now we can set to work.
THE MAN: Fire away, then!
[He points to NADA, who has just come forward; NADA lets out a drunken guffaw.]
THE SECRETARY: Might I point out, sir, that this fellow is the sort that doesn’t believe in anything, in other words the sort of man who can be very useful to us?
THE MAN: Very true. In that case let’s choose one of the Alcaldes.
THE GOVERNER: Stop! [Panic among the ALCALDES.]
THE SECRETARY: Ah! A good sign, Your Honor!
THE MAN [courteously]: Can I do anything to oblige you, Governor?
THE GOVERNOR: Suppose I let you take my place, will the lives of my family and the Alcaldes be spared?
THE MAN: Why, of course. That, as you should know, is customary.
[The GOVERNOR confers with the ALCALDES, then turns to the populace.]
THE GOVERNOR: Citizens of Cadiz, I feel sure you understand that a great change has come into our civic life. In your own interests it may be best that I should entrust the city to this new authority that has sprung up in our midst. Indeed I have no doubt that by coming to an arrangement with this gentleman I shall be sparing you the worst; and, moreover, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that a government exists outside your walls which may be of service to you in the future. Need I tell you that, in speaking thus, I am not thinking of my personal safety, but …
THE MAN: Excuse my interrupting. But I should be grateful if you would make a public declaration that you are entering into this excellent arrangement of your own free will, and that there is no question of any sort of compulsion.
[The GOVERNOR looks at the MAN; the SECRETARY raises her pencil to her lips.]
THE GOVERNOR [obviously flustered]: Yes, yes, that’s understood, of course. I am making this agreement of my own free will. [Edges away, then frankly takes to his heels. A general move begins.]
THE MAN [to the FIRST ALCALDE]: Be good enough to stay. I need someone who has the confidence of the citizens and will act as my mouthpiece for making known my wishes. [The FIRST ALCALDE hesitates.] You agree, I take it? [To the SECRETARY] My dear …
FIRST ALCALDE: But of course I agree, and I feel it a great honor.…
THE MAN: Excellent. Now that’s settled, will you be kind enough, my dear, to make known to the Alcalde the rules and regulations he is to promulgate to these good people, so that they may start living under state control.
THE SECRETARY: Regulation Number One, drawn up and promulgated by the First Alcalde and his Committee.
FIRST ALCALDE: But I haven’t drawn up anything yet!
THE SECRETARY: We’re saving you the trouble. And it seems to me you should feel flattered at the trouble our department is taking to frame these regulations that you will have the honor of signing.
FIRST ALCALDE: Quite so. All the same …
THE SECRETARY: This regulation shall carry the force of an edict issued and validated in pursuance of the will of our beloved sovereign, for the control and charitable succor of all citizens infected with disease, and for the issuance of by-laws and the guidance of all personnel appointed under the said edict, such as overseers, attendants, guards, and gravediggers, who will be bound by oath strictly and punctually to carry out all such orders as may be given them.
FIRST ALCALDE: Might I know the point of all this rigmarole?
THE SECRETARY: It’s intended to get them used to that touch of obscurity which gives all government regulations their peculiar charm and efficacy. The less these people understand, the better they’ll behave. You get my point? Good. Here are the regulations that I’ll ask you to have proclaimed by the town criers in every district, so that they may be mentally digested by your townsfolk, even by those whose mental digestions are most sluggish. Ah, here they come, the town criers. Their pleasant appearance will help to fix the memory of what they say in the minds of their hearers.
[The town criers line up.]
VOICES IN THE CROWD: The Governor’s going away! The Governor’s leaving us!
NADA: And he has every right to do so, remember that, good people. He is the government and governments must be protected.
VOICES IN THE CROWD: He was the government, and now he’s nothing! The Plague has stepped into his shoes.
NADA: What can that matter to you? Plague or Governor, the government goes on.
FIRST TOWN CRIER: All infected houses are to be marked on their front doors with the plague sign—a black star with rays a foot long, and headed by this inscription: “We all are brothers.” The star is to remain in place until the house is reopened. Any breach of this regulation will be punished with the utmost rigor of the
