Everything was very still.
«A pleasant spot,» said Rieux as he lowered himself into a chair. «You’d think that plague had never found its way up here.»
Tarrou was gazing seawards, his back to the doctor.
«Yes,» he replied after a moment’s silence, «it’s good to be here.»
Then, settling into the chair beside Rieux, he fixed his eyes on his face. Three times the glow spread up the sky and died away. A faint clatter of crockery rose from a room opening on the street below. A door banged somewhere in the house.
«Rieux,» Tarrou said in a quite ordinary tone, «do you realize that you’ve never tried to find out anything about me, the man I am? Can I regard you as a friend?»
«Yes, of course, we’re friends; only so far we haven’t had much time to show it.» «Good. That gives me confidence. Suppose we now take an hour off, for
friendship?»
Rieux smiled by way of answer. «Well, here goes!»
There was a long faint hiss some streets off, the sound of a car speeding on the wet pavement. It died away; then some vague shouts a long way off broke the stillness again. Then, like a dense veil slowly falling from the starry sky on the two men, silence returned. Tarrou had moved and now was sitting on the parapet, facing Rieux, who was slumped back in his chair. All that could be seen of him was a dark, bulky form outlined against the glimmering sky. He had much to tell; what follows gives it more or less in his own words.
«To make things simpler, Rieux, let me begin by saying I had plague already, long before I came to this town and encountered it here. Which is tantamount to saying I’m like everybody else. Only there are some people who don’t know it, or feel at ease in that condition; others know and want to get out of it.
Personally, I’ve always wanted to get out of it.
«When I was young I lived with the idea of my innocence; that is to say, with no idea at all. I’m not the self-tormenting kind of person, and I made a suitable start in life. I brought off everything I set my hand to, I moved at ease in the field of the intellect, I got on excellently with women, and if I had occasional qualms, they passed as lightly as they came. Then one day I started thinking.
And now?
«I should tell you I wasn’t poor in my young days, as you were. My father had an important post, he was prosecuting attorney; but to look at him, you’d never have guessed it; he appeared, and was, a kindly, good-natured man. My mother was a simple, rather shy woman, and I’ve always loved her greatly; but I’d rather not talk about her. My father was always very kind to me, and I even think he tried to understand me. He wasn’t a model husband.
I know that now, but I can’t say it shocks me particularly. Even in his infidelities he behaved as one could count on his behaving and never gave rise to scandal. In short, he wasn’t at all original and, now he’s dead, I realize that, while no plaster saint, he was a very decent man as men go. He kept the middle way, that’s all; he was the type of man for whom one has an affection of the mild but steady order, which is the kind that wears best.
«My father had one peculiarity; the big railway directory was his bedside book. Not that he often took a train; almost his only journeys were to Brittany, where he had a small country house to which we went every summer. But he was a walking timetable; he could tell you the exact times of departure and arrival of the Paris-Berlin expresses; how to get from Lyon to Warsaw, which trains to take and at what hours; the precise distance between any two capital cities you might mention.
Could you tell me offhand how to get from Briancon to Chamonix? Even a station-master would scratch his head, I should say. Well, my father had the answer pat. Almost every evening he enlarged his knowledge of the subject, and he prided himself on it. This hobby of his much amused me; I would put complicated travel problems to him and check his answers afterwards by the railway directory. They were invariably correct. My father and I got on together excellently, thanks largely to these railway games we played in the evenings; I was exactly the audience he needed, attentive and appreciative. Personally I regarded this accomplishment of his as quite as admirable in its ways as most accomplishments.
«But I’m letting my tongue run away with me and attributing too much importance to that worthy man. Actually he played only an indirect role in the great change of heart about which I want to tell you. The most he did to me was to touch off a train of thoughts. When I was seventeen my father asked me to come to hear him speak in court. There was a big case on at the assizes, and probably he thought I’d see him to his best advantage.
Also I suspect he hoped I’d be duly impressed by the pomp and ceremony of the law and encouraged to take up his profession. I could tell he was keen on my going, and the prospect of seeing a side of my father’s character so different from that we saw at home appealed to me. Those were absolutely the only reasons I had for going to the trial. What happened in a court had always seemed to me as natural, as much in the order of things, as a military parade on the Fourteenth of July or a school speech day. My notions on the subject were purely abstract, and I’d never given it serious thought.
«The only picture I carried away with me of that day’s proceedings was a picture of the criminal. I have little doubt he was guilty, of what crime is no great matter. That little man of about thirty, with sparse, sandy hair, seemed so eager to confess everything, so genuinely horrified at what he’d done and what was going to be done with him, that after a few minutes I had eyes for nothing and nobody else. He looked like a yellow owl scared blind by too much light. His tie was slightly awry, he kept biting his nails, those of one hand only, his right…. I needn’t go on, need I? You’ve understood, he was a living human being.
«As for me, it came on me suddenly, in a flash of understanding; until then I’d thought of him only under his commonplace official designation, as ‘the defendant.’ And though I can’t say I quite forgot my father, something seemed to grip my vitals at that moment and riveted all my attention on the little man in the dock. I hardly heard what was being said; I only knew that they were set on killing that living man, and an uprush of some elemental instinct, like a wave, had swept me to his side. And I did not really wake up until my father rose to address the court.
«In his red gown he was another man, no longer genial or good-natured; his mouth spewed out long, turgid phrases like an endless stream of snakes. I realized he was clamoring for the prisoner’s death, telling the jury that they owed it to society to find him guilty; he went so far as to demand that the man should have his head cut off. Not exactly in those words, I admit. ‘He must pay the supreme penalty,’ was the formula. But the difference, really, was slight, and the result the same.
He had the head he asked for. Only of course it wasn’t he who did the actual job. I, who saw the whole business through to its conclusion, felt a far closer, far more terrifying intimacy with that wretched man than my father can ever have felt. Nevertheless, it fell to him, in the course of his duties, to be present at what’s politely termed the prisoner’s last moments, but what would be better called murder in its most despicable form.
«From that day on I couldn’t even see the railway directory without a shudder of disgust. I took a horrified interest in legal proceedings, death sentences, executions, and I realized with dismay that my father must have often witnessed those brutal murders, on the days when, as I’d noticed without guessing what it meant, he rose very early in the morning. I remembered he used to wind his alarm-clock on those occasions, to make sure. I didn’t dare to broach the subject with my mother, but I watched her now more closely and saw that their life in common had ceased to mean anything, she had abandoned hope. That helped me to ‘forgive her,’ as I put it to myself at the time. Later on, I learned that there’d been nothing to forgive; she’d been quite poor until her marriage, and poverty had taught her resignation.
«Probably you’re expecting me to tell you that I left home at once. No, I stayed on many months, nearly a year,
