CHAPTER III. A ROMANCE ENDED
I
FROM THE LARGE BALLROOM of Skvoreshniki (the room in which the last interview with Varvara Petrovna and Stepan Trofimovitch had taken place) the fire could be plainly seen. At daybreak, soon after five in the morning, Liza was standing at the farthest window on the right looking intently at the fading glow. She was alone in the room. She was wearing the dress she had worn the day before at the matinée—a very smart light green dress covered with lace, but crushed and put on carelessly and with haste. Suddenly noticing that some of the hooks were undone in front she flushed, hurriedly set it right, snatched up from a chair the red shawl she had flung down when she came in the day before, and put it round her neck. Some locks of her luxuriant hair had come loose and showed below the shawl on her right shoulder. Her face looked weary and careworn, but her eyes glowed under her frowning brows. She went up to the window again and pressed her burning forehead against the cold pane. The door opened and Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch came in.
“I’ve sent a messenger on horseback,” he said. “In ten minutes we shall hear all about it, meantime the servants say that part of the riverside quarter has been burnt down, on the right side of the bridge near the quay. It’s been burning since eleven o’clock; now the fire is going down.”
He did not go near the window, but stood three steps behind her; she did not turn towards him.
“It ought to have been light an hour ago by the calendar, and it’s still almost night,” she said irritably.
“‘Calendars always tell lies,’” he observed with a polite smile, but, a little ashamed; he made haste to add: “It’s dull to live by the calendar, Liza.”
And he relapsed into silence, vexed at the ineptitude of the second sentence. Liza gave a wry smile.
“You are in such a melancholy mood that you cannot even find words to speak to me. But you need not trouble, there’s a point in what you said. I always live by the calendar. Every step I take is regulated by the calendar. Does that surprise you?”
She turned quickly from the window and sat down in a low chair.
“You sit down, too, please. We haven’t long to be together and I want to say anything I like.… Why shouldn’t you, too, say anything you like?”
Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch sat beside her and softly, almost timidly took her hand.
“What’s the meaning of this tone, Liza? Where has it suddenly sprung from? What do you mean by ‘we haven’t long to be together’? That’s the second mysterious phrase since you waked, half an hour ago.”
“You are beginning to reckon up my mysterious phrases!” she laughed. “Do you remember I told you I was a dead woman when I came in yesterday? That you thought fit to forget. To forget or not to notice.”
“I don’t remember, Liza. Why dead? You must live.”
“And is that all? You’ve quite lost your flow of words. I’ve lived my hour and that’s enough. Do you remember Christopher Ivanovitch?”
“No I don’t,” he answered, frowning.
“Christopher Ivanovitch at Lausanne? He bored you dreadfully. He always used to open the door and say, ‘I’ve come for one minute,’ and then stay the whole day. I don’t want to be like Christopher Ivanovitch and stay the whole day.”
A look of pain came into his face.
“Liza, it grieves me, this unnatural language. This affectation must hurt you, too. What’s it for? What’s the object of it?”
His eyes glowed.
“Liza,” he cried, “I swear I love you now more than yesterday when you came to me!”
“What a strange declaration! Why bring in yesterday and to-day and these comparisons?”
“You won’t leave me,” he went on, almost with despair; “we will go away together, to-day, won’t we? Won’t we?”
“Aie, don’t squeeze my hand so painfully! Where could we go together to-day? To ‘rise again’ somewhere? No, we’ve made experiments enough … and it’s too slow for me; and I am not fit for it; it’s too exalted for me. If we are to go, let it be to Moscow, to pay visits and entertain—that’s my ideal you know; even in Switzerland I didn’t disguise from you what I was like. As we can’t go to Moscow and pay visits since you are married, it’s no use talking of that.”
“Liza! What happened yesterday!”
“What happened is over!”
“That’s impossible! That’s cruel!”
“What if it is cruel? You must bear it if it is cruel.”
“You are avenging yourself on me for yesterday’s caprice,” he muttered with an angry smile. Liza flushed.
“What a mean thought!”
“Why then did you bestow on me … so great a happiness? Have I the right to know?”
“No, you must manage without rights; don’t aggravate the meanness of your supposition by stupidity. You are not lucky to-day. By the way, you surely can’t be afraid of public opinion and that you will be blamed for this ‘great happiness’? If that’s it, for God’s sake don’t alarm yourself. It’s not your doing at all and you are not responsible to anyone. When I opened your door yesterday, you didn’t even know who was coming in. It was simply my caprice, as you expressed it just now, and nothing more! You can look every one in the face boldly and triumphantly!”
“Your words, that laugh, have been making me feel cold with horror for the last hour. That ‘happiness’ of which you speak frantically is worth … everything to me. How can I lose you now? I swear I loved you less yesterday. Why are you taking everything from me to-day? Do you know what it has cost me, this new hope? I’ve paid for it with life.”
“Your own life or another’s?”
He got up quickly.
“What does that mean?” he brought out, looking at her steadily.
“Have you paid for it with your life or with mine? is what I mean. Or have you lost all power of understanding?” cried Liza, flushing. “Why did you start up so suddenly? Why do you stare at me with such a look? You frighten me. What is it you are afraid of all the time? I noticed some time ago that you were afraid and you are now, this very minute … Good heavens, how pale you are!”
“If you know anything, Liza, I swear I don’t … and I wasn’t talking of that just now when I said that I had paid for it with life.…”
“I don’t understand you,” she brought out, faltering apprehensively.
At last a slow brooding smile came on to his lips. He slowly sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and covered his face with his hands.
“A bad dream and delirium.… We were talking of two different things.”
“I don’t know what you were talking about.… Do you mean to say you did not know yesterday that I should leave you to-day, did you know or not? Don’t tell a lie, did you or not?”
“I did,” he said softly.
“Well then, what would you have? You knew and yet you accepted ‘that moment’ for yourself. Aren’t we quits?”
“Tell me the whole truth,” he cried in intense distress. “When you opened my door yesterday, did you know yourself that it was only for one hour?”
She looked at him with hatred.
“Really, the most sensible person can ask most amazing questions. And why are you so uneasy? Can it be vanity that a woman should leave you first instead of your leaving her? Do you know, Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch, since I’ve been with you I’ve discovered that you are very generous to me, and it’s just that I can’t endure from you.”
He got up from his seat and took a few steps about the room.
“Very well, perhaps it was bound to end so.… But how can it all have happened?”
“That’s a question to worry about! Especially as you know the answer yourself perfectly well, and understand it better than anyone on earth, and were counting on it yourself. I am a young lady, my heart has been trained on the opera, that’s how it all began, that’s the solution.”
“No.”
“There is nothing in it to fret your vanity. It is all the absolute truth. It began with a fine moment which was too much for me to bear. The day before yesterday, when I ‘insulted’ you before every one and you answered me so chivalrously, I went home and guessed at once that you were running away from me because you were married, and not from contempt for me which, as a fashionable young lady, I dreaded more than anything. I understood that it was for my sake, for me, mad as I was, that you ran away. You see how I appreciate your generosity. Then Pyotr Stepanovitch skipped up to me and explained it all to me at once. He
