“He’s takin’ back them spades he borrowed,” he said.
“That’s right,” I said. “Of course he’d have to borrow a spade to bury his wife with. Unless he could borrow a hole in the ground. Too bad you all didn’t put him in it too. . . . Does that hurt?”
“Not to speak of,” he said, and the sweat big as marbles running down his face and his face about the colour of blotting-paper.
“ ’Course not,” I said. “About next summer you can hobble around fine on this leg. Then it won’t bother you, not to speak of . . . If you had anything you could call luck, you might say it was lucky this is the same leg you broke before,” I said.
“Hit’s what paw says,” he said.
MacGOWAN
IT happened I am back of the prescription case, pouring up some chocolate sauce, when Jody comes back and says, “Say, Skeet, there’s a woman up front that wants to see the doctor and when I said What doctor you want to see, she said she want to see the doctor that works here and when I said There ain’t any doctor works here, she just stood there, looking back this way.”
“What kind of a woman is it?” I says. “Tell her to go upstairs to Alford’s office.”
“Country woman,” he says.
“Send her to the court-house,” I says. “Tell her all the doctors have gone to Memphis to a Barbers’ Convention.”
“All right,” he says, going away. “She looks pretty good for a country girl,” he says.
“Wait,” I says. He waited and I went and peeped through the crack. But I couldn’t tell nothing except she had a good leg against the light. “Is she young, you say?” I says.
“She looks like a pretty hot mamma, for a country girl,” he says.
“Take this,” I says, giving him the chocolate. I took off my apron and went up there. She looked pretty good. One of them black-eyed ones that look like she’d as soon put a knife in you as not if you two-timed her. She looked pretty good. There wasn’t nobody else in the store; it was dinner-time.
“What can I do for you?” I says.
“Are you the doctor?” she says.
“Sure,” I says. She quit looking at me and was kind of looking around.
“Can we go back yonder?” she says.
It was just a quarter-past twelve, but I went and told Jody to kind of watch out and whistle if the old man come in sight, because he never got back before one.
“You better lay off of that,” Jody says. “He’ll fire your stern out of here so quick you can’t wink.”
“He don’t never get back before one,” I says. “You can see him go into the post-office. You keep your eye peeled, now, and give me a whistle.”
“What you going to do?” he says.
“You keep your eye out. I’ll tell you later.”
“Ain’t you going to give me no seconds on it?” he says.
“What the hell do you think this is?” I says; “a stud-farm? You watch out for him. I’m going into conference.”
So I go on to the back. I stopped at the glass and smoothed my hair, then I went behind the prescription case, where she was waiting. She is looking at the medicine cabinet, then she looks at me.
“Now, madam,” I says; “what is your trouble?”
“It’s the female trouble,” she says, watching me. “I got the money,” she says.
“Ah,” I says. “Have you got female troubles or do you want female troubles? If so, you come to the right doctor.” Them country people. Half the time they don’t know what they want, and the balance of the time they can’t tell it to you. The clock said twenty past twelve.
“No,” she says.
“No which?” I says.
“I ain’t had it,” she says. “That’s it.” She looked at me. “I got the money,” she says.
So I knew what she was talking about.
“Oh,” I says. “You got something in your belly you wish you didn’t have.” She looks at me. “You wish you had a little more or a little less, huh?”
“I got the money,” she says. “He said I could git something at the drug-store for hit.”
“Who said so?” I says.
“He did,” she says, looking at me.
“You don’t want to call no names,” I says. “The one that put the acorn in your belly? He the one that told you?” She don’t say nothing. “You ain’t married, are you?” I says. I never saw no ring. But like as not, they ain’t heard yet out there that they use rings.
“I got the money,” she says. She showed it to me, tied up in her handkerchief: a ten spot.
“I’ll swear you have,” I says. “He give it to you?”
“Yes,” she says.
“Which one?” I says. She looks at me. “Which one of them give it to you?”
“It ain’t but one,” she says. She looks at me.
“Go on,” I says. She don’t say nothing. The trouble about the cellar is, it ain’t but one way out and that’s back up the inside stairs. The clock says twenty-five to one. “A pretty girl like you,” I says.
She looks at me. She begins to tie the money back up in the handkerchief. “Excuse me a minute,” I says. I go around the prescription case. “Did you hear about that fellow sprained his ear?” I says. “After that he couldn’t even hear a belch.”
“You better get her out from back there before the old man comes,” Jody says.
“If you’ll stay up there in front where he pays you to stay, he won’t catch nobody but me,” I says.
He goes on, slow, toward the front. “What you doing to her, Skeet?” he says.
“I can’t tell you,” I says. “It wouldn’t be ethical. You go on up there and watch.”
“Say, Skeet,” he says.
“Ah, go on,” I says. “I ain’t doing nothing but filling a prescription.”
“He may not do nothing about that woman back there, but if he finds you monkeying with that prescription case, he’ll kick your stern clean down them cellar stairs.”
“My stern has been kicked by bigger bastards than him,” I says. “Go back and watch out for him, now.”
So I come back. The clock said fifteen to one. She is tying the money in the handkerchief. “You ain’t the doctor,” she says.
“Sure I am,” I says. She watches me. “Is it because I look too young, or am I too handsome?” I says. “We used to have a bunch of old water-jointed doctors here,” I says; “Jefferson used to be a kind of Old Doctors’ Home for them. But business started falling off and folks stayed so well until one day they found out that the women wouldn’t never get sick at all. So they run all the old doctors out and got us young good-looking ones that the women would like and then the women begun to get sick again and so business picked up. They’re doing that all over the country. Hadn’t you heard about it? Maybe it’s because you ain’t never needed a doctor.”
“I need one now,” she says.
“And you come to the right one,” I says. “I already told you that.”
“Have you got something for it?” she says. “I got the money.”
“Well,” I says, “of course a doctor has to learn all sorts of things while he’s learning to roll calomel; he can’t help himself. But I don’t know about your trouble.”
“He told me I could get something. He told me I could get it at the drug-store.”
“Did he tell you the name of it?” I says. “You better go back and ask him.”
She quit looking at me, kind of turning the handkerchief in her hands. “I got to do something,” she says.
“How bad do you want to do something?” I says. She looks at me. “Of course, a doctor learns all sorts of things folks don’t think he knows. But he ain’t supposed to tell all he knows. It’s against the law.”
Up front Jody says, “Skeet.”
“Excuse me a minute,” I says. I went up front. “Do you see him?” I says.
“Ain’t you done yet?” he says. “Maybe you better come up here and watch and let me do that consulting.”
“Maybe you’ll lay a egg,” I says. I come back. She is looking at me. “Of course you realize that I could be put in the penitentiary for doing what you want,” I says. “I would lose my licence and then I’d have to go to work. You realize that?”
“I ain’t got but ten dollars,” she says. “I could bring the rest next month, maybe.”
“Pooh,” I says, “ten dollars? You see, I can’t put no price on my knowledge and skill. Certainly not for no little paltry sawbuck.”
She looks at me. She don’t even blink. “What you want, then?”
The clock said four to one. So I decided I better get her out. “You guess three times and then I’ll show you,” I says.
She don’t even blink her eyes. “I got to do something,” she says. She looks behind her and around, then she looks toward the front. “Gimme the medicine first,” she says.
“You mean, you’re ready to right now?” I says. “Here?”
“Gimme the medicine first,” she says.
So I took a graduated glass and kind of turned my back to her and picked out a bottle that looked all right; because a man that would
