«Mara’s a strange girl, isn’t she?» I said to Carruthers after a lull in our rather brittle conversation.
He gave a short shrill laugh and, as though to put me at ease about her, replied: «She’s just a child, you know. And of course you can’t believe a word she says.»
«Yes, that’s just the impression she gives me.» said I.
«She hasn’t a thing on her mind except having a good time,» said Carruthers.
Just then Mara came along. Carruthers wanted to dance with her. «But I promised this one to him,» she said, taking my hand.
«No, that’s all right, dance with him! I’ve got to go anyway. I’ll see you soon, I hope.» I sailed out before she had a chance to protest.
The following evening I was at the theatre ahead of time. I bought seats down front. There were several other favorites of mine on the program, among them Trixie Friganza, Joe Jackson, and Roy Barnes. It must have been an all-star bill.
I waited half an hour beyond the appointed time and still no sign of her. I was so eager to see the show I decided not to wait any longer. Just as I was wondering what to do with the extra ticket a rather handsome Negro passed me to approach the box office. I intercepted him to inquire if he wouldn’t accept my ticket. He seemed surprised when I refused to accept money from him. «I thought you were a speculator,» he said.
After the intermission Thomas Burke appeared before the footlights. He made a tremendous impression upon me, for reasons which I shall never be able to fathom. A number of curious coincidences are connected with his name and with the song which he sang that night—-«Roses of Picardy.» Let me jump seven years from the moment the night before when I stood hesitantly at the foot of the steps leading to the dance hall….
Covent Garden. It is to Covent Garden I go a few hours after landing in London, and to the girl I single out to dance with I offer a rose from the flower market. I had intended to go direct to Spain, but circumstances obliged me to go straight to London. A Jewish insurance agent from Baghdad, of all places, is the one to lead me to the Covent Garden Opera which has been converted into a dance hall for the time being. The day before leaving London I pay a visit to an English astrologer who lives near the Crystal Palace. We have to pass through another man’s property in order to get to his house. As we are walking through the grounds he informs me casually that the place belongs to Thomas Burke, the author of Limehouse Nights. The next time I attempt to go to London, unsuccessfully, I return to Paris via Picardy and in travelling through that smiling land I stand up and weep with joy. Suddenly, recalling the disappointments, the frustrations, the hopes turned to despair, I realized for the first time the meaning of «voyage». She had made the first journey possible and the second one inevitable. We were never to see each other again. I was free in a wholly new sense— free to become the endless voyager. If any one thing may be said to be accountable for the passion which seized me and which held me in its grip for seven long years then it is Thomas Burke’s rendering of this sentimental ditty. Only the night before I had been commiserating Carruthers. Now, listening to the song. I was suddenly stricken with fear and jealousy. It was about the one rose that dies not, the rose that one keeps in one’s heart. As I listened to the words I had a premonition that I would lose her. I would lose her because I loved her too much, that was how the fear shaped itself. Carruthers, despite his nonchalance, had put a drop of poison in my veins. Carruthers had brought her roses; she had given me the rose he had pinned to her waist. The house is bursting with applause. They are throwing roses on the stage. He is going to give an encore. It is the same song—«Roses of Picardy». It is the same phrase which he is coming to now, the words which stab me and leave me desolate—«but there is one rose that dies not in Picardy… ’tis the rose that I keep in my heart!» I can’t stand it any longer, I rush out. I rush across the street and bound up the steps to the dance hall.
She’s on the floor, dancing with a dark-skinned fellow who is holding her close. As soon as the dance is out I rush over to her. «Where were you?» I ask. «What was the matter? Why didn’t you come?»
She seemed surprised that I should be so upset over such a trivial thing. What had kept her? Oh, it was nothing at all. She had been out late, a rather wild party… not with Carruthers… he had left shortly after me. No, it was Florrie who had organized the party. Florrie and Hannah—did I remember them? (Did remember them? Florrie the nymphomaniac and Hannah the drunken sot. How could I forget them?) Yes, there had been a lot to drink and somebody had asked her to do the split and she had tried… well, and she had hurt herself a bit. That was all. I should have realized that something had happened to her. She wasn’t the sort who made dates and broke them—just like that.
«When did you get here?» I asked, remarking to myself that she seemed quite intact, unusually cool and collected, in fact.
She had come just a few minutes ago. What difference did it make? Her friend Jerry, an ex-pugilist who was now studying law, had taken her to dinner. He had been at the party last night and had been kind enough to see her home. She would see me Saturday afternoon in the Village—at the Pagoda Tea Room. Dr. Tao, who ran the place, was a good friend of hers. She would like me to meet him. He was a poet.
I said I would wait around for her and take her home, by subway this time if she didn’t mind. She begged me not to bother—I would get home so late and so on. I insisted. I could see that she wasn’t too pleased. In fact she was plainly annoyed. In a moment she excused herself to go to the dressing room. That meant a telephone call, I was certain. Again I wondered if she really lived at this place she called home.
She reappeared with a good-natured smile, saying that the manager had offered to let her off early. We might go at once, if we liked. First we were to have a bite somewhere. On the way to the restaurant, and all through the meal, she kept up a rapid-fire talk about the manager and his little kindnesses. He was a Greek with a tender heart. It was extraordinary what he had done for some of the girls. How did she mean? Like what? Well, like Florrie, for instance. The time Florrie had had an abortion—that was before she met her doctor friend. Nick had paid for everything; he had even sent her to the country for a few weeks. And Hannah, who had had all her teeth extracted… Well, Nick had presented her with a lovely set of false teeth.
And Nick, what was he getting for all his trouble, I inquired blandly.
«Nobody knows anything about Nick,» she continued. «He never makes any overtures to the girls. He’s too busy with his affairs. He runs a gambling joint uptown, he plays the stock market, he owns a bath house at Coney Island, he has an interest in a restaurant somewhere… he’s too busy to think about such things.»
«You seem to be one of the favored ones,» I said. «You come and go as you please.»
«Nick thinks the world of me,» she said. «Perhaps because I attract a different type of man than the other girls.»
«Wouldn’t you like to do something else for a living?» I asked abruptly. «You’re not meant for this sort of thing—that’s why you’re such a success, I guess. Isn’t there something else you’d rather do, tell me?»
Her smile indicated how naive my question was. «You don’t think I do this because I like it, do you? I do it because I earn more money
