ALASTAIR: Loud and clear, Jim. Can you hear me?
JIM : Alastair?
ALASTAIR : Yes? You hear me?
JIM : Go ahead, Alastair. We’ve got audio.
ALASTAIR : As I was saying. Yes, I hear you splendidly. It’s a tense moment here at Cape Canary. The
position of Christopher Columbus’s three galleysJIM: Sorry to interrupt, Alastair. Actually, I don’t believe the ships are galleys. They’re-
ALASTAIR: Hang on, Jim . . . Th ey’re telling me . . . there’s such a racket here in the control center. Three hundred scalzed Carmelites are simultaneously saying solemn High Masses for the success of the voyage . . . Y es, mmm, yes . . . Y ou’re right, Jim. They’re not galleys. They’re xebecs. A typical Mediterranean vessel used for-
JIM: Um, Alastair . . . o ver the audio I’m hearing the word «caravels» . . .
ALASTAIR: How’s that, Jim? I’ve lost you . . . Y ou can’t believe the confusion here . . . What? Oh, right. As I was saying, he has three caravels, the Nina, the Pan-no, the Pinta, and the Santa Radegonda . . .
JIM : Er, Alastair, the press kit says it’s the Santa Maria.
ALASTAIR: Right you are, Jim! One of the boys here is saying the same thing. But there’s a difference of
opinion about whether it’s the Santa Maria . . . I n any case, a caravel is a typical Mediterranean vessel, and our technical department has prepared a scale model . . . B y the way, this uniform I’m wearing is from the Spanish navy. How do you like it? Now, the caravel, as I was saying, is-
JIM : Sorry to interrupt you, Alastair, but Professor Vinci’s hei:e in the studio with us, and he can perhaps tell us something about the caravel from a propulsion
point of view . . .
LEONARDO : Deman retep taerg a . . .
JIM : Hang on a minute, control room. Professor
Vinci has a kind of, well, you might call it. a quirk
. . . He talks from right to left, so you’ll have to reverse the ampex. If you recall, we arranged a ninesecond delay for this reason, between recording and transmission. Ready with the ampex? Can you hear me? Roll it!
LEONARDO: A great Peter named-
JIM : Excuse me, Professor Vinci . . This is a family program, you understand . . . So if we could stick to the subject . . .
LEONARDO : Mmm, of course, I’m so sorry. Now then, the caravel exploits the propulsion system known as ventus et vela, that is, wind and sail, and it stays afloat in accord with the principle of Archimedes by which a body immersed in a liquid receives an upward impulse equal to the weight of the water dis
placed. The sail, the fundamental element in propulsion, is articulated in three sections, main, mid, and jib. The bowsprit has a special function, coordinating flying jib and staysail, whereas the topgallant and the spanker operate in an orientative sense.
JIM : Does the thalattocraft reach its destination whole, or are certain stages detached during its trajectory?
LEONARDO : I’m glad you asked that question, Jim. There’s a process of stripping the thalattocraft usually known as «hit and drown.» In other words, when a sailor behaves improperly toward the admiral, he receives a blow on the head and is thrown into the sea. This is the moment of the so-called mutiny showdown. In the case of the Santa Maria there have been three hit and drowns, which are exactly what has allowed Admiral Columbus to maintain control of the thalattocraft, with what might be called manual operation-using the hands, in other words. In such instances the admiral has to look sharp and act at precisely the right moment
JIM : otherwise he loses control of the craft, I understand. Tell me, Professor, what is the technical function of the cabin boy?
LEONARDO : Very important, Jim. It’s known technically as the «feedback function. » Perhaps our viewers would get a better idea if we called it the «release valve.» I have devoted considerable study to this problem, and, if you like, I can show the viewers some of my anatomical drawings, which-
JIM : Thanks a lot, Professor, but I’m afraid we have to move right along. We have a linkup also with the Salamanca studio. Are you there, Willard?
WILLARD : You betcha, Jim. I’m here in Salamanca. Great place, Salamanca! And I’ve got some brainy guys for you to interview. Really swell people. First I’d like to ask a question of the President of the University of Salamanca. Just stay at that chalk line, Prexy, eh? Now tell us, Doctor, er, what exactly is this America everybody’s talking about?
PRESIDENT: Nonsense, that’s what it is! Horse feathers!
WILLARD : Hold on a sec, Prexy. Our experts have written a word . . . Con . . . Continent.
PRESIDENT: Well, I’m sorry for your experts. No, no . . . I supplied you people with a basic text, the Almagest of Ptolemy-. Check and you’ll see that the chances of discovering anything are practically nil. Admiral Columbus apparently thinks he can buscar el levante por el ponente, in other words, sail east to find the West, but his project is absolutely without any scientific foundation. Most people are quite aware that the Earth ends beyond the pillars of Hercules.
The survival of the three vessels after that boundary is due to a simple televisual effect, the work of the devil. The Columbus case is the obvious result of the weakness of the proper authorities in dealing with student protest, and on this subject I am preparing a book, in fact, for the Bob Jones University Press. But even if such a voyage were possible, the thalattocraft would inevitably lack sufficient cruising range, through a shortage of angelic fuel. You see, William, as various councils have taught us, the problem is knowing how many angels can stand on the head of a pin. In the council reports there is no mention of angels standing on the top of a foremast. That would instead be Saint Elmo’s fire, and therefore diabolical manifestations unsuited to directing a caravel toward a promised land or terra incognita, however you choose to call it.
WILLARD : Yeah, well, this is heavy stuff, and I don’t want to get into an argument here. We’ll see what the experts have to say, and meanwhile good luck with the great work you’re doing at the university! Now we’ll hear from a very important expert, a lovely gent who is the Dean of the Royal Society of Cartographers of Portugal. Tell us, Mr. Dean, do you think Columbus is really heading for the Indies? DEAN : That’s a tough question, Willard, and Columbus’s big mistake is that he’s waiting to give an empirical answer instead of working out a definition of the problem through its essence. The fact is, you see, non sunt multiplicanda entia sine necessitate, which leads us to postulate the existence of one and only one India. In that case, Columbus should land from the east at the westernmost tip of Asiatic soil, to be precise, at the mouth of the river Ussuri.
If this proves to be correct, then his expedition is of no interest whatsoever, given the total political and geographical unimportance of that land. Or he could reach the eastern end of the island of Gipango-I believe you call it «Japan» -in which case the Mediterranean economy will experience a severe negative counterreaction. Since the people of that island perversely specialize in producing transistorized imitations of the mechanical inventions of others, the market of the seafaring republics will be invaded by thousands of perfectly imitated caravels and at much lower prices. The economy of the republic of Venice will collapse, unless the Doge’s authorities· provide for the construction of new shipyards at Porto Marghera, but that would have disastrous consequences for the ecological balance of the lagoon and the islands . . .
WILLARD : Now we have another super-guest with us here, the Dean of the law school of the University of Granada. He’s going to fill us in on the legal aspects of this discovery. A lot of people are wondering who’ll be the owner of these new lands. And the part of the ocean Columbus has crossed, who will that belong to?
LAW DEAN : The questions of international law raised by this expedition are serious. First of all, there is the problem of a division between Spain and Portugal, and I think I am not rushing things when I suggest a summit meeting should be convened, say, at Tordesillas, to establish a theoretical line of demarcation between the spheres of influence ROBIN : Excuse me, Willard . . . This is TV Sforza in Milan. We have a group of distinguished Milanese judges here in the studio, and they don’t agree. They say that the problem as stated doesn’t make sense. That at that rate you would have to consider another important maritime power, England, and then it is even conceivable that one day the new lands would be divided into Anglo-Saxon, Spanish, and Portuguese spheres of influence . . . Pure science fiction, of course! Now I’ll turn the line over to Wittenberg. All yours, Johnny!
JOHNNY: Here’s . . . Wittenberg! Our guest is a young and very smart Augustinian student of theology here at Wittenberg U. He’s considered the white hope of Holy Mother Church, and we have a question for him. Tell us, Dr. Luther, do you think
