All right,” I yelled, “let’s go.” I went back to the center section and cast the rope loose where it loops around the forward jury struts and I got set against it and looked back at him and gave him the signal. I was a little crazy. I was still yelling at him; I don’t know what I was yelling. I thought maybe I had already fallen off and was dead and didn’t know it.
The wires began to whine and I was looking straight down at the ground and the little colored dots. Then the wires were whistling proper and he gunned her and the ground began to slide back under the nose. I waited until it was gone and the horizon had slid back under too and I couldn’t see anything but sky. Then I let go one end of the rope and jerked it out and threw it back at his head and held my arms out as she zoomed into the loop.
I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I wasn’t thinking about myself. I was thinking about him. Trying to show him up like he had shown me up. Give him something he must fail at like he had given me something I failed at. I was trying to break him.
We were over the loop before he lost me. The ground had come back, with the little colored dots, and then the pressure went off my soles and I was falling. I made a half somersault and was just going into the first turn of a flat spin, with my face to the sky, when something banged me in the back.
It knocked the wind out of me, and for a second I must have been completely out. Then I opened my eyes and I was lying on my back on the top wing, with my head hanging over the back edge.
I was too far down the slope of the camber to bend my knees over the leading edge, and I could feel the wing creeping under me. I didn’t dare move. I knew that if I tried to sit up against the slip stream, I would go off backward.
I could see by the tail and the horizon that we were upside now, in a shallow dive, and I could see Rogers standing up in his cockpit, unfastening his belt, and I could turn my head a little more and see that when I went off I would miss the fuselage altogether, or maybe hit it with my shoulder.
So I lay there with the wing creeping under me, feeling my shoulders beginning to hang over space, counting my backbones as they crept over the edge, watching Rogers crawl forward along the fuselage toward the front seat. I watched him for a long time, inching himself along against the pressure, his trouser-legs whipping. After a while I saw his legs slide into the front cockpit and then I felt his hands on me.
There was a fellow in my squadron. I didn’t like him and he hated my guts. All right. One day he got me out of a tight jam when I was caught ten miles over the lines with a blowing valve. When we were down he said, “Don’t think I was just digging you out. I was getting a Hun, and I got him.” He cursed me, with his goggles cocked up and his hands on his hips, cursing me like he was smiling. But that’s all right.
You’re each on a Camel; if you go out, that’s too bad; if he goes out, it’s just too bad. Not like when you’re on the center section and he’s at the stick, and just by stalling her for a second or ruddering her a little at the top of the loop.
But I was young, then. Good Lord, I used to be young! I remember Armistice night in ‘18, and me chasing all over Amiens with a lousy prisoner we had brought down that morning on an Albatross, trying to keep the frog M.P.’s from getting him. He was a good guy, and those damned infantrymen wanting to stick him in a pen full of S. O. S. and ginned-up cooks and such. I felt sorry for the bastard, being so far from home and licked and all. I was sure young.
We were all young. I remember an Indian, a prince, an Oxford man, with his turban and his trick major’s pips, that said we were all dead that fought in the war. “You will not know it,” he said, “but you are all dead. With this difference: those out there” — jerking his arm toward where the front was— “do not care, and you do not know it.”
And something else he said, about breathing for a long time yet, some kind of walking funerals; catafalques and tombs and epitaphs of men that died on the fourth of August, 1914, without knowing that they had died, he said. He was a card, queer. A good little guy, too.
But I wasn’t quite dead while I was lying on the top wing of that Standard and counting my backbones as they crawled over the edge like a string of ants, until Rogers grabbed me. And when he came to the station that night to say goodbye, he brought me a letter from her, the first I ever had.
The handwriting looked exactly like her; I could almost smell the scent she used and feel her hands touching me. I tore it in two without opening it and threw the pieces down. But he picked them up and gave them back to me. “Don’t be a fool,” he said.
And that’s all. They’ve got a kid now, a boy of six. Rogers wrote me; about six months afterward the letter caught up with me. I’m his godfather. Funny to have a godfather that’s never seen you and that you’ll never see, isn’t it?
V
So I said to Reinhardt: “Will one day be enough notice?”
“One minute will be enough,” he said. He pressed the buzzer. Miss West came in. She is a good kid. Now and then, when I’d just have to blow off some steam, she and I would have lunch at the dairy place across the street, and I could tell her about them, about the women. They are the worst.
You know; you get a call for a demonstration, and there’ll be a whole car full of them waiting on the porch and we’d pile in and all go shopping. Me dodging around in the traffic, hunting a place to park, and her saying, “John insisted that I try this car. But what I tell him, it’s foolish to buy a car that is as difficult to find parking space for as this one appears to be.”
And them watching the back of my head with that bright, hard, suspicious way. God knows what they thought we had; maybe one that would fold up like a deck chair and lean against a fire plug. But hell, I couldn’t sell hair straightener to the widow of a nigger railroad accident.
So Miss West comes in; she is a good kid, only somebody told her I had had three or four other jobs in a year without sticking, and that I used to be a war pilot, and she’d keep on after me about why I quit flying and why I didn’t go back to it, now that crates were more general, since I wasn’t much good at selling automobiles or at anything else, like women will.
You know: urgent and sympathetic, and you can’t shut them up like you could a man; she came in and Reinhardt says, “We are letting Mr. Monaghan go. Send him to the cashier.”
“Don’t bother,” I said. “Keep it to buy yourself a hoop with.”
The End
